I Like These Older Years

I have enjoyed every stage of my kids but with 3 boys all within a 15 month- 2 year span things got very crazy at times. Now things are a little more quiet and settled. This morning I awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. My alarm had not gone off yet and my husband was not back from the gym so were was this coming from?

As I followed the sweet aroma of brewing coffee I found Shaggy in the kitchen. Here he was making coffee for his mama this morning. AWWWWW! It just melted my heart! I love having older kids. It's the best. I miss my babies but there is something special when they are old enough to really show their love for you. It blessed me so much this morning. What a guy!!!

I Struggle With Crying...

I really do. I cry at home with my kids or husband but only after there has been a pent up burst that flows from deep inside. Around others I am not able to release it. I was taken back by how so many women were touched by the Divine Connection at our Church last Friday. I too participated and then ministered. I was touched by the Father and blessed by His love but still no tears. As I looked around the room I noticed so many connecting with their emotions. Why wasn't I?

I have not been able too for years. Growing up you weren't aloud to cry. If things were bad enough you could tear up and cry some but not for long. At funerals you were told to stop crying because the person is gone and you don't have any reason to mourn. When the police came to my uncle's trailer to tell us my cousin was murdered my father told me I needed to hold it together and go pick up my family. I drove around NJ that afternoon numb to every emotion and feeling just doing what I was told to do. Now I pay the price. I have felt the Lord move powerfully in my life and I have had the tears flow but I feel as though there is more and I cannot connect with it. It's hard to be in a room with others crying. I feel uncomfortable and wish I could connect as easily as they do.

So what do I do? I pray and ask God to heal me. It has been many years of praying for release. I am still not there. So does that mean I didn't get as much out of the Divine Connection as others because of my stoic expression? No, the Lord affirmed me I did, He is just still working in and through me. I continue to pray and know one day the dam will be released and all those years will come pouring out. Knowing how the Lord works it will probably come when I least expect it and in a situation where I would least want it to happen. But it will come. Just some things that have been on my heart lately in the midst of the craziness.

Crazy Days

Lets see...

I had to get ready for Shaggy's birthday this week.

I knocked a squirrel unconscious yesterday throwing out my recyclables.(I will post on that tomorrow)

I had lunch with some girlfriends this week! :)

I have a sick husband. :(

We had our furnace overhauled yesterday for 4 hours.

I have a haircut and color today. Yippee!!!! I am looking a little shaggy myself.

I have to sign the boys out of school early tomorrow and go through the whole "No we are not Jehovah Witnesses. We just don't celebrate Halloween...yada, yada, yada." They stare at me like I am the worst mom on the planet because my kids don't participate in their darn Halloween Parade and parties.

We are going out for the Streets Ministry again this Sat (if anyone wants to join us).

I am also trying to get the weaving project done for MIA in time for the Christmas Coffeehouse.

I have also been bogged down by the everyday occurrences of laundry, meals, cleaning and homework.

So I haven't posted too regularly lately. I am just trying to keep up with life. For some reason even with stepping down out of ministry obligations for a while things are still crazy. I guess my only chance of truly leaving it all behind would be to go to a deserted island.

10 Years Ago....

Ten years ago we started the parenthood journey with our first son

Shaggy. It has been amazing. A journey full of laughter, tears,

joy and pain. Shaggy turns 10 today so in celebration of

his life I put some photo's on my blog of him through 

the years. Happy Birthday my Love!

Doing Something Girly!!!

I had a dear friend give me a treat about a week or so ago. She gave me nail polish and a bunch of other nail polish related bottles. Actually I was surprised because I only use one bottle of color. I didn't know there was an actual process for doing your nails. So I took some time this morning to treat myself to painting my toe nails. My finger nails are not worthy of polish.

So does anyone know what the stick is for. 

I actually don't know but used it any way.

 I have no idea if I used it right but it was fun. 

I will have to get her to give me a lesson next time.

My poor pitiful piggies. I think they look a little

stumpy in this picture don't they. :)

After chipping off the 5 layers of old polish I used each bottle,

hopefully in the correct order. The end result. Not too bad eh!

It was so much fun to do something girly again. By the way if you know

what that stick is called or what is used for let me know. 

My boys are using it for a 

weapon for their Star Wars figures now. It's

fun to be a girl sometimes!

Having A Mom Moment

It's one of those times when you feel discouraged and down about your parenting abilities. I know most of the time God works in spite of me and not because of me but I am having one of those moments. Shaggy is struggling with his pre-teen angst. DK is over the top this week with his dramatics and Rocker is struggling because he feels neglected. Oh, boy! This Friday two guys are coming over in the evening to interview the boys for a documentary about kids seeing angels. Although that's great I feel discouraged. One instant we are walking the streets of Harrisburg praying for the sick and the lost and the next minute we are dealing with attitudes. One minute they are telling us about the angles and supernatural things they see and then the next moment we are breaking up an all out WWF match in the boys room. Is this all normal? Did even the great men and women of God from years gone by give their parents lip?

My Knight shared with me that this is normal and it's life. He asked me do I always have it all together? Do I struggle? Of course I said yes but I guess as a mom I take this stuff as a reflection of me instead of realizing that these three young men in my house are now making decisions on their own. The days of just telling them what to do are gone and now it is the process of showing them that their decisions have consequences whether good or bad. They also need to determine their own beliefs and thoughts. So I see the larger picture and the Lord's hand through all of this but it is still hard in the midst of it. I don't want my boys to make the same bad choices I did or to have to carry their pain with them for the rest of their lives but I also can't do it for them. I guess this is my realization that I can no longer carry them any more. They need to walk on their own and even fall a few times to learn how to run. So there you have it. Again the good the bad and the ugly at the Livin' household. So very far from perfect but so very close to the Lord. Now I need some comfort food and coffee and praise music.

After thought... if we do make it through all this I think I am going to write a book about parenting. I will call it "If I Could Do IT So Can You". It will be about how God worked through us and not about our wonderful parenting skills or anything. I am ready for a book like that right now. Don't give me strategies just give me testimonies.

A Few Simple Truths

I realize more and more I get stuck on the idea that God needs to come into my life as a raging inferno to burn away the stuff I tend to get hung up on, when lots of times He just wants to speak a few simple truths. This week I had to meet with someone I have been struggling with for a couple of weeks now. I say struggle but I do admit I have thrown a few temper tantrums with the Lord about this person because of the way I perceived they were treating me. Let me emphasize my perception because I have been known to be wrong from time to time. Don't worry it isn't anyone in the blogging community.

Well I knew I had to be with them this week and I knew if the Father didn't do something about my attitude it would get ugly. So I prayed "Lord do something with my attitude please. What do you want me to know about this situation?" I stood there in my house waiting for this huge revelation and spiritual over hall, when all of a sudden I just heard the Lord speak a few simple truths. I thought to myself  "Is that it? Are you sure that's all? Won't I still get mad and upset?" I felt the Father smiling on me and laughing a bit. After standing there perplexed for a few minutes I headed out to meet up with this person very sure I was still going to get stirred up. I thought this couldn't have helped me. I needed tears and an earthquake and fire because of how much I had been struggling but none of that happened.

Then it happened. I met with the person and all was peaceful. I was amazed. I even tried to stir things up in my heart to test it out to see if I was healed and truly at peace with this. There was nothing there. We had a great talk and I walked away released of my anger and bitterness.

It just took a few simple truths from the Father. I was reminded of the story of Elijah and how the Lord passed by him in the cleft of the mountain. The great wind rushed by, the earth shook and a fire raged but God was in the gentle whisper. I have had moments where the Lord has dealt with me in  very powerful ways. I guess I got stuck into thinking He always had to come to me like that. So I began putting off going to Him about issues I was dealing with because I didn't have the opportunity to have those power encounters. But the Lord reassured me this week He wants to meet with me in the "clouds and fire" like Moses and also the "gentle whisper" like Elijah.  I have begun this week asking the Lord in my car and in the grocery store and at school "What do you want me to know about that God?" and listening for His few simple truths instead of letting it all fester until I can deal with it later. I hope this makes sense. I know it may not be earth shattering for most but it's just one of those things the Lord has been showing me lately that has really set me free.