Artistically Inspired Once Again

After a period of no creativity I got inspired to work with the boys with

art again. We are creating a Superhero Wall Mural with canvas's.

Shaggy is tackling Green Lantern.

Drama King is working on Batman, but of course!

And Rocker has Flash because he says he is like the Flash.

We were given a whole pile of comic books, some of them not really appropriate. So instead of just throwing them all away we are going to rip them up to make a comic book page mosaic. The boys worked on the blocking in of their pictures yesterday and filling in the backgrounds. This weekend we will start the mosaic. It was fun to see them get excited about it. I will be working on Superman since this is project going in their bedroom. They didn't want me to work on Wonder Woman! :-)

Transition & Changes

Transition and change are typically ugly words. We don't like them and we don't like to go through them. I know I don't. Right now my family and I are in a big transition and change. We left the church we had known for 13 years and are re-establishing ourselves some where else. It has been HUGE. For me, our prior church was the only church I have really ever known, so leaving felt like leaving home. I grew up sporadically attending churches here and there but never longer than a 2 year period. Then by the time I turned 12 or so my parents never attended another church again.

So this time of transition has been really rough on me. I know this is a part of God's plans and we left on very cordial terms, but it doesn't take away the sadness. Unfortunately, some wounds were acquired at our old church, and trust in leadership was greatly damaged. I am finding myself struggling to trust leadership in our new church because of these past wounds. It's not that I haven't gone after healing in those areas, but after learning to duck all the time, you still flinch when you think your going to get hit. It will take some time, I know.

The boys have entered this new transition with open arms as they feel more accepted into this new Body and my Knight has also transitioned well. Me on the other hand, has a lot of trust issues to move through. I also don't want to be used again by ministry so I am moving at the pace of molasses.

My return to school corresponded to our church transition and that has helped me to continue to move forward and not get stuck. I want to love and forgive and move on, but I realize it will be one small step at a time. Transitions and changes come in all shapes and forms so it shouldn't have surprised me that one day we would come to a transition and change within our local church. I just hope our new Body extends some mercy towards me if I seem a little skittish around them; I am still ducking a lot more then I would like to.

Open Ended Stories & Mysteries

It's funny how our culture has really walked away from mysteries and open ended stories. Not only our culture but also the Christian world. We don't like to refer to God as a mystery or acknowledge that we don't know why He does what He does and most of the time we don't like to hear open ended stories of believers.

What am I talking about, you ask? Well, let me try to clarify...

Open-ended stories are stories without a conclusion. It's basically life. Life is a journey not a destination. Our culture is striving for a destination and not a journey. We want the American dream, Hollywood lifestyle or something to that effect. We want to arrive or achieve or reach our dreams but we don't accept that life is simply a never ending journey. We frustrate ourselves with the unattainable this side of heaven.

Life this side of Heaven is an unfinished symphony. We accomplish one goal and then immediately are confronted with new opportunities and challenges. But ultimately we will die with countless unfinished projects and goals. That's okay. God is at work taking care of the universe. -Peter Scazzero

In our church culture we also don't like open-ended stories. We want testimonies of great victories and triumphs and how we as Christians can some how attain a level of Christianity where we no longer struggle. Don't tell me about he kid in youth group who is still struggling with drugs. Don't tell me about the woman who still struggles with depression. We don't like the stories that don't have a great conclusion. In all honesty though, those are the real stories. Peoples struggles and battles are real life. Life never ends this side of heaven. I have battled depress for years and have made huge strides, but guess what? I still struggle. I still have to tell my self to get out of bed each morning and believe and hope in something that is completely outside of me. I still wrestle with my emotions. My journey is not complete and I would be a fool to deny that. Testimonies give us stories of hope and faith but let us not think that is the end all. Let us agree that we will have ups and downs, victories and defeats and all this make up life. Just because we are not always wining or succeeding doesn't mean we have lost the battle as Christians, we are on an adventure with God.

We also have a hard time with the mysteries of God. Lately I have seen God become a certainty. If you pray this way you will get healed, if you do this you will be blessed with prosperity and if you pray this God will protect you. Now don't get me wrong, I believe in the promises of God that He is our provider, healer and protector but He is also the one in charge, not me. Just because I pray a certain way doesn't mean my prayers will be answered. For example, I wanted another child. I was told by countless loving Christians to stand and demand my miracle. They told me God had to answer me. For three hard years I stood and cried out to God. Guess what, God told me last year that wasn't in His plans for me. What???? I prayed though! I know His promise and others told me they did the same thing and He gave them a child, why not me? Am I not holy enough?

No, God just had other plans. I made God and His promises into a certain formula and He just reminded me He is a mystery. Sometimes we pray and God heals immediately and sometimes He doesn't. Sometimes He protects us and sometimes bad things happen to good people. If God is a formula then when those bad things or disappointments happen we falter. But if we acknowledged He is a mystery above our own understanding then we must have faith in HIm and trust His judgment.

Let us go on this uncertain and mysterious adventure of life knowing that we will have troubles, we still stumble and fall and we will not always understand the why's of life. Let us acknowledge that it is OK to not know God's ways all the times and to just enjoy our adventure. That's what makes an adventure so much more exciting than a destination. We don't know what we will encounter or even where we will go but we are willing to seek out what ever mystery, or challenge life can throw at us, holding on to the one true promise of God, which is He will never leave us or forsake us. I will run the race and acknowledge that my finish line is not this side of heaven. I will also acknowledge that God doesn't really care how many times you fall br if you are the greatest runner out there but that you keep running.

Spring Semester Is Almost Over!

In a world where school is for all ages, I went back to college. I just finished up one of my online courses and will finish my other class within the week. Going back to college at 34 is strange, exciting and very different than when I was in my late teens early 20's.

I am going back to get my teaching certification. I look forward to one day teaching in a classroom full of 1st-4th graders.

It has been an eventful journey but I am glad to be on it. Now to finish up this coming week with Spring Semester and then get ready for Summer I Semester May 24th. I am back in school!

How many people does it take to tie down Kayaks???

In our family all 5! Three to run around and drive the two, that are actually doing the work, crazy. The two actually doing the work than argue for a good 30 minutes about how they get tied up. So for a 2 hour paddle on the lake it took us 1 & 1/2 hours to tie everything down again. Our maiden voyage was a blast for SPRING 2011 and we are looking forward to many more trips.

Is it OK for our children to wrestle with their belief in God?

Have you ever considered that one day your son or daughter would tell you that they don't know whether they believe in God or not? To most Christians it would alarm and greatly dismay them as parents. My question though is it really such a bad thing? This past weekend we had a great dinner conversation about God. I asked our boys (8, 11 & 12 year in age) do they really believe in God? My 8 year old quickly replied with and exuberant "Yes!" Our 11 year old said with a little less enthusiasm "Sure" and our 12 year old said "I don't know, could there be other things out there?"

At first I wanted to be afraid at his response but then I heard the Lord say "I'm not". See Shaggy our oldest is going to turn 13 this year. It is the age many call the "Age of Accountability". Basically it is when the Lord holds you accountable for your actions because you no longer are considered a child. We have been preparing him this past year with this big transition.

A couple years ago my husband and I taught a class for parents on how to teach your children to hear the voice of God. One of our challenges to parents was to make sure that you allow your child to have his own belief of God and not follow solely off of your beliefs. We gave the illustration of a camp fire. It's great that the kids can come to your campfire and warm themselves but when they leave they need to have that fire go with them or they will grow cold. They will not always be by your fire.

I truly believe Shaggy is there. It is time for him to build his own fire. In that process though you need to teach them how to find the right supplies. Sometimes they pick up things that would not make a great fire or even burn for that matter but we must let them learn.

Scott and I choose not to shame Shaggy or place fear in his life about his thoughts and feelings but just ask questions back. Right now is a safe time for Shaggy to wrestle. He is still in the safety of our home and under our authority. I believe when kids are following their parents beliefs and all of a sudden get thrown out into the "real" world without their own strongly founded convictions that's when trouble happens. They "explore" outside of the safety.

Jacob had to wrestle with God. Before that point Jacob referred to God as the God of his forefathers. He did not call him his own. He knew God existed but didn't have that relationship with him that was personal. After wrestling with God one night and the Lord literally popping his hip out Jacob called God his own.

It may take each of my sons a time of wrestling with God. It may even take a point of pain and discomfort for them to have their own fire lit inside of them but I am willing to allow them that time. I will pray and ask many questions to provoke their thoughts but they must come to their own conclusions.

At the end of our conversation with Shaggy I realized that deep down inside he truly does believe it's just the enemy seeking to rob him of that truth. Instead of feeding into the enemy's plans with my own fear I will allow the Lord to use all things to His glory. See unknown to the enemy this time of wrestling will ultimately change Shaggy's identity but for the glory of God. What the enemy meant for evil God will redeem and then this area in Shaggy's life will be that much stronger.

So personally I will allow them to doubt, God does and did. He didn't mind Thomas. I don't think he gets upset with the doubters it's those who think they know everything about Him that becomes a problem. Doubting just means there is great areas for growth and God is for that!

Living A Life Worthy of Something, Anger/Fear & Change

I haven't had a blog entry in forever and I know I am writing to myself. :-) But that's OK David spoke to his soul many times in the Bible so I feel I can do the same.

I am in the trenches right now fighting a battle I don't feel I have the strength to fight. I want a life worthy of something. I want to live life to the fullest but how? So much has changed this year. So many heartaches and rejections and battles. After a while you become battle weary. Have you ever seen Band of Brothers? It is an eye opening movie experience of what the men faced during WWII on the front lines. At one point the group is stuck in a forest and is getting the beating of a life time from a German artillary corp across the field from them. Many of their "brothers" died. I believe it was a year or more they were there living in fox holes in wintery conditions without supplies. The German Army had surrounded them. They get to a point where they don't ever react during the shelling. They are litterally shell shocked.

I am at that point. Just tired, weary and shell shocked. I hate it. Then anger and fear raise it's ugly head and I am stuck in my fox hole. Paralyzed by fear I can't even move.

I thought I knew what my life was supposed to look like. I thought I knew the ending of the book...silly for me to presume that since I am not the author of it.What I was told I would do as part of my "destiny" is actually no longer true. What I though I knew as certantiy is now very uncertain. I am on a new journey now and that is frightening. See I am in the fox hole and my way out to safety is to move, but my fear of something new is keeping me in my hole thus making me suceptiable to the enemy's fire.

So I have gone to taking baby steps. Right now I am creeping up to the ledge of the hole looking for my next move. Eventually I will get out but after a year like this one I am doing a lot of creeping and not running. The picture above is of my sons at a Military Museum near us. It is a reconstruction of a trench from WWI. This trip opened my eyes again to battle and war. It is ugly and painful. I definitely could see why it was hard to get the troops out of the trenches to make a charge on the enemy. You have to become vunerable to attack and even ready to face death. Even though you are not 100% safe in the trenches you get this disullusioned idea your safe. In fact there were just as many dangers down there as out on the feild with the shellings, rats, sickness and so forth.

Well this has been quite the rambling. Now I just need to keep going. I need to keep moving forward even at the slow pace I am going. I want to live a life worthy of something to overcome my anger and fear and embrace the change. It's just going to take me one step at a time but I believe I will come through this eventually.