I feel as though I have had the wind knocked out of me. As though everything I thought was reality has come crashing down around me and I am left with a void. I am not in a good place right now. I am angry with God. Yes I said it and mean it. I have lost hope in him and many other things and people.
I am tired of fighting this battle with no ending. I have fought since I was born and it just isn't worth fighting any more. I have been called a liar and rejected by family and lived a life of sacrifice for what? You know what though? God actually is not fazed by my attitude or lose of hope. If he is as big as everyone says he is than he is OK with me not being happy with him.
I can't stand watching friends go through hell and their family members die and people who say they are real not be. I can't stand the false world I live in and I don't have much hope any more of this ever changing.
I don't ask for help but for the ability to wade through the crap myself in my time. This post is a journal entry pure and simple. Its for me and no one else. I needed to release all this crap right now.
