My Helping Hands

Rocker Edging

Shaggy Mowing

DK Mowing Too

Our next door neighbor had a heart attack 2 weeks ago so I got the boys to help
take care of their lawn until he is feeling better. Our neighbor who had the heart
attack takes care of our other neighbor who is 89 years old so we ended up mowing
and edging 3 lawns. It was a great outdoor experience and the boys are doing a great
job learning yard work.

I just had to throw this one in as a bonus. I guess hard work makes you bad to the bone!

Shaggys Native American Long House

Phew!! We just finished that in the nick of time. I am not really happy we have projects due during the week of our State's public school testing but we made it through. Hopefully it looks somewhat like a Long House. They were made out of grasses and natural materials but I didn't have an small bundles of grass or hay lying around so we made it with sticks & Grocery bags. We had fun though and that is what counts. :-)

A Bit of Honesty & Real Life Parenting

`I am a very transparent person and so my posts can become very raw and real at times. For me that's just how I roll. Nothing much hidden. So I have been contemplating in sharing my struggles this week as a parent. I then came to a sense of peace that maybe some mom out there might relate or connect with what I went through this week. If not maybe a young mom out there will be encouraged to know that even when walking with the Lord you can go through difficult situations with your kids. Godly parenting is not about avoiding difficult times with your kids it's about learning how you traverse your way through the deep dark crevasses of life with the Lord as your guide.

This past weekend took a toll on our whole family. Things were triggered inside all of us that brought to the surface a lot of pain. Scott and I were so weary at that point that we honestly weren't keeping tabs with the boys emotional status. We were just trying to keep ourselves afloat. Monday afternoon Shaggy was slated for a hair cut. He hasn't had one in at least 4 months. We talked about how long his hair could be but I made the last minuted decision of cutting 2 inches off so he could start growing it back in, in a more healthy state.

Well, I just created the spark that set off the emotional explosion. I handled the outcome very badly and had no patience at all. There was no grace, there was no mercy. Scott and I also did not see the signs that more things were going on in Shaggy then a bad hair cut. So needless to say Monday stunk and then we went to bed mad at each other.

Tuesday morning proved to be worst. Feelings were still raw and we all felt the exhaustion of the weekend. Words were spoken, feelings were hurt and then Shaggy reacted to the moment...he ran away. Not much worse than the feeling that your child just bolted and you don't know where he is. I felt afraid and angry and sad and everything a mother could possibly feel in one single moment. We did find him fairly quickly but even that didn't go well.

After so more exchange of words we were able to get Shaggy to go to school and he seemed to calm down there. During that time I just sat and prayed and talked to God. I began to see the larger picture. Shaggy was triggered by the events of the weekend. The hair cut actually played into that situation too and whamo, we now have the explosive situation that took place in the morning.

So what to do? As a parent we really screwed things up. We reacted instead of responding. We exploded instead of loving. I remember thinking, "I totally blew it. Can God really redeem this and turn it into something for our good?" The answer came quickly and clearly "Yes I can!" With that I began praying for Shaggy and also the other two boys. They experienced the whole thing so I know they were feeling the pain of it all too. Later that night we sat and talked to Shaggy.

We began processing the events and he began to see the larger picture. He acknowledged the fact that pain drove him to run away. We began asking each other for forgiveness and allowed healing to return to our home. Things are better today. Shaggy is processing more and more about what exactly happened and so are we.

We now need to pray about a healthy way for Shaggy to retreat when he feels overwhelmed. Scott and I realized growing up on farms we retreated to our dirt bikes or horses to help us find a quiet space to process our feelings. Shaggy does not have that here in town so we need to find a creative way to help him find "his own space". At 11 I know he needs a place to go where he can internalize what's going on and a place to call his own. Shaggy is great about sharing his feelings but he always needs some quiet time first. Once he has that he can easily articulate to us all that he feels. If we try to push him to quickly he just shuts down.

I have been processing the feelings of failure and shame I feel from Shaggy's experience on Tuesday. The Lord has brought so much good through this bad situation. Parenting is one of the most difficult things to do in life. It isn't easy at all but very rewarding. I am a parent not because I get anything out of it. If that were the case I probably wouldn't have kids. I am a parent because God gave me three amazing gifts and I love them so much. The journey through parenting is tough. It isn't for the faint of heart but if you press through the pain, storms and difficulties of parenting you can find real joy in it all. That's what I discovered this week. I failed, Scott failed but I know God never does. He came down and redeemed our situation. He restored love, peace and joy back into our house and even taught us all a few things.

Even if you feel like your not a good parent or you don't have what it takes remember that God is all we need. He actually created us as parents not to have all the answers or do it perfect all the time, that way our kids realize the importance of our dependence on Him and Him alone.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say about that. Today is a new day, I will be glad and rejoice in it.

Shaggy Is 11 Today!!!!

Today is Shaggy's 11th birthday. I am amazed! Say it ain't so...I just gave birth to this bouncing, beautiful little baby only weeks ago. He can't truly be 11. He has turned into such a handsome amazing young man that makes this mama proud. He also makes his papa proud too. I love hanging out with him and laughing with him. He is a wonderful young man.

Happy Birthday Shaggy!! We all love you so much. Do you realize at 11 you are almost as tall as your dad? I am starting to get you and your dad's jeans mixed up. I wonder how tall you will be at 14?! Yikes!! :)

The Ups & Downs Of Parenting

There are days when I feel as though I am on a roller coaster with my kids. As a parent you don't always know which way is up and when the track will take another immediate turn. Lately we have been on a new ride with Shaggy. He seems a bit more unpredictable with his emotions and testing his boundaries lately. Don't get me wrong, he's not in total rebellion or anything but it is a difficult stage. One moment things are great and we seem to be all happy and with a blink of an eye he is now mad or upset and refusing to obey. With that of course comes discipline but it still doesn't feel like we are getting any where with this at the moment. We seem to circle the same mountain a couple times in our day.

I have become very good lately at reading the atmosphere of the room before I walk in. Is it time to start up intense prayer or are we in a good state of mind right now? Shaggy is going to be turning 11 in Oct. and so I have been hotly pursuing the feet of Jesus asking what to do. Am I the issue here Lord, is Scott the issue or are we not meeting a need in Shagy's life? What is it? The answer I have been receiving over and over again has surprised me. I guess it shouldn't but it has.

The Lord keeps reminding me of our butterfly's. He shows me this picture of Shaggy tightly bound in a cocoon. He is struggling to get out. Then I heard the Lord say this to me..."You and Scott have raised your sons to become men. You have set your standard high. Shaggy is now wrestling with Me and his identity as a man of Christ. Many young boys struggle with becoming a man but start later in life closer to their late teens. This becomes a problem because they are no longer in a safe environment. Their wrestling now becomes entangled with society and the pressures of life. They have less boundaries and therefor push further than they can at 11 or 12. Shaggy has begun the process, let him struggle. A butterfly who is not allowed to push it's way out of the cocoon will prematurely die. The process of pain in a butterfly's life produces it's beauty."

We have always respected various cultures that have a "coming of age" ceremony for boys. You can pin point a distinct time in their culture when the young man is no longer recognized as a boy and has now transformed into a man. The Jewish culture in particular marks the age 13. At that age the young man goes through his Bar-mitzvah and is recognized into manhood. Scott and I have really felt that 13 will be the age for our boys too. We have told them that on their 13th birthday they will have a special party to celebrate their manhood.

This is why I feel we are going through this with Shaggy. In his spirit he knows the time is coming and he is beginning the process of transformation now.

I know you might be asking what about girls & their "coming of age" issues but I have to defer that point to someone else because we don't have any girls. I can say this, that I just witnessed our neighbors big "Sweet 16" party for their oldest daughter. I remember having my "Sweet 16" party too. We also embrace young women when they get their first period. It can be a joyous occasion for many families. But what do we do for our young me?. At 18 we can send them off to fight for our country but many don't even know if they are a "man" yet.

We have chosen to embrace man-hood here at the Livin' household and celebrate it at 13. I believe because of that decision we are going through some of these rough times now where others may experience later on. So I will continue to ride the ride. I will continue to pray fervently for me boys. Thankfully with an analogy of a roller coaster you know there is an end. You finally shoot through your last loop and wind around your last corner to reach the exit platform. It's not always fun but it's in God's hands. I just got to remember sometimes to sit back and enjoy the ride.

My Karate Kids

The boys take part in The Carpenters Hands Karate Class at our
church. They meet once a week for class. This past Monday was
their belt test. Rocker & Shaggy tested for their yellow belt.
It is a great experience and it is all Christ centered beginning
and ending in prayer. You can see the boys praying there
before the test started.

DK is also in the class but we did not have him test for his
belt yet. I don't think he has the patience yet.

Receiving the belts!

I am so proud of my boys even DK who puts his whole heart into this. Yes, these aren't ballet pictures but with all boys I get to show off Karate shots. They are teaching me the moves also. I know how to do an inside crescent kick and front knuckle punches!!! Look out world Drama Mama is learning Karate!!! Hi-ya!

Another Family Moment With The Lord

Today at breakfast we had another great moment when we collaborated as a unit with the Lord. I have been praying for the boys that they would have dreams and encounters with the Lord in the night. For the past three weeks now they each have had many dreams with powerful meanings. This morning Shaggy shared with me and Rocker and DK that he had a strange dream last night and wanted to know what it meant.

I asked him if he could share with us at breakfaast and he agreed. This was his dream..."We were at a toy store, I think looking for a toy for me. There were two isles. One bad and one good (I asked him to explain why they were distinctly bad and good). He said one was filled with K'nex toys and some kind of magnetic toys and the other was filled with witchcraft toys, ghosts and stuff. Rocker and he crept on the floor and went over to the bad isle were they saw a box with a skeleton raising someone back to life. They didn't touch it or pick it up but then ran over to the good isle, picked out a K'nex box and took it home to play with. It was a K'nex roller coaster."

So this is where my Knight and I have learned to not interpret or hear from the Lord for our  children but to encourage them to hear and listen for themselves. It's way more powerful when they receive the revelation from God and you can encourage them that they are hearing correctly. So I ask the Lord (out loud) "What do you want Shaggy to know about this dream?" Some things started to come to me immediately but I just bookmarked them and waited on Shaggy. Rocker and DK said they heard too and I asked them kindly to hold on to it until Shaggy gets something.

Shaggy said he heard the Lord tell him that the K'nex side was God's side and the witchcraft side was satan's side. Even though he went over there to look he did not pick up anything on satan's side and came back to God's side. I just kept asking God questions out loud to Shaggy and waiting for a response from him. Then when the Lord seemed to be done with Shaggy I let Rocker share. He heard the Lord saying that it was a warning to be careful to guard ourselves. That was right on too. I heard the Lord say it immediately when Shaggy started to share. DK said satan and his stuff is bad (very cool revelation for a 6 year old!).

So we each continued to talk and build on revelation upon revelation with what the Lord was sharing with each of us. No one person was the interpreter but each of us heard clearly from the Lord and I would just affirm their hearts. In the end the Lord showed us that the K'nex represented the gifts and things of His Kingdom He wanted us to have and that the enemy is right next to us always trying to show us a counterfeit. Our spirits as a family are naturally drawn into the supernatural and we have to guard ourselves from being curious of satan's power. I shared a little of my personal testimony with the boys and seeing satan's power first hand and how it can draw you if you let it. As an encouraging thought I shared that the Lord showed Shaggy he and Rocker just looked at the package, they didn't touch it or buy it and then went back to the other isle. I felt strongly that the Lord was showing them they will not fall into that stuff. Of course then they were able to see they got a better toy or should I say gift. They got the K'nex roller coaster. Talk about God taking them for a awesome ride in their life.

Well, a long and wordy post about how we roll in the spirit. Next time your kids ask you about a question regarding the Lord ask the Lord out loud the question and direct it back to them. Encourage them to listen for the answer. Help when they need some guidance but allow them to hear the voice of God. It is an amazing thing to witness. 

I am sure there is more to this dream. I will probably pray about this some more and talk to my Knight about it but for now the Lord revealed what He wanted to, to Shaggy. God is good!

More Embarrassing Moments At the Livin' Household

Just trying to exist in an all male household can be difficult at times but for some reason God placed these three amazing young men in my life to make life exciting and very humbling. Today a dear bloggy & in real life friend stopped by to drop of goodies and a christmas card. I was in the shower at the time while Shaggy was home from school (he was actually sick today).

She must have knocked on the door and Shaggy went to see who it was. All I know of what happened next is from the retelling of Shaggy so here goes...

"Mom some lady I think I remember but don't remember her name dropped these off for you while you were in the shower (he hands me the card and goodies). Because I couldn't remember her too well I didn't open the door just cranked out the window and she handed them through."

It was our broken window too so I asked how he shut the window afterwards. He told me he watched until she drove away ran outside and pushed the window closed and then ran back inside. Sheesh! I just laughed and called her up to leave a message  letting her know how sorry I was that she had to participate in our walk up window delivery system. I am so sorry.

Then later that day the delivery guy shows up to give us our new dryer. Not ready for this event I left my bra's and things hanging downstairs. I chase Shaggy down to grab them off the line  while I tried to keep them busy upstairs so he could get them down and hide them so they wouldn't have to see my under-thingy's. To my dismay by the time I get to the basement with the delivery men my wonderful son turns to us with bra's and panties in hand asking "Are these what you want me to hide?" (I have to explain that one of those undergarments so boldly displayed by my son had "All eyes on me" written across them) I turned every shade of red while I ripped them out of his hands and flung them into a corner of our basement and thanked Shaggy for his help a little sarcastically. The guys just laughed.

Oh my, nothing is personal in our house. Being the only woman is just so darn hard.

I Like These Older Years

I have enjoyed every stage of my kids but with 3 boys all within a 15 month- 2 year span things got very crazy at times. Now things are a little more quiet and settled. This morning I awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. My alarm had not gone off yet and my husband was not back from the gym so were was this coming from?

As I followed the sweet aroma of brewing coffee I found Shaggy in the kitchen. Here he was making coffee for his mama this morning. AWWWWW! It just melted my heart! I love having older kids. It's the best. I miss my babies but there is something special when they are old enough to really show their love for you. It blessed me so much this morning. What a guy!!!

10 Years Ago....

Ten years ago we started the parenthood journey with our first son

Shaggy. It has been amazing. A journey full of laughter, tears,

joy and pain. Shaggy turns 10 today so in celebration of

his life I put some photo's on my blog of him through 

the years. Happy Birthday my Love!

He Had A Good Day!!!!

Thank you Jesus!!! Shaggy came home and told my Knight and I that he had the best day this year. He thanked us for praying and said because of our prayers God moved on his behalf. He was able to play football with three of his friends out on the field away from the bullies. It was a real breakthrough for us. Thank you for all your prayers. We are going to continue to pray for these 4 young men who are bullying and also pray for favor on Shaggy (thank you Coolmama for that wisdom). I like good days when God breaks through and shows us how much He cares!!!

A Mama's Broken Heart

Today I went to school to eat lunch with Shaggy. It was a fun time and I enjoyed his table of friends. I was also allowed to join them at recess, something I did not know you could do. I went out and sat at a picnic table as the kids ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Then I witnessed exactly what Shaggy had been sharing with us. I saw Shaggy join in on a kickball game with his fellow 4th graders. I was very shocked to see the blatant bullying. Two teachers were on the sidelines chatting and watching the playground equipment during this whole scenario but not one of them did anything to stop the young men.

While there wasn't any physical battles a group of about 4 young men, well trained in emotional and verbal bullying, began to unleash their abuse on the kickball field. Shaggy along with a handle full of other "outsiders" or boys who these young men considered lower then they were, were completely ignored and rejected during the entire game. These 4 young men played around them and considered Shaggy and his friends invisible. When Shaggy or any of the other boys tried to play they were yelled at and called names. My heart broke. I couldn't stand watching it but I felt helpless because I have no authority on that playground. My son tried his best to stay positive and keep going but the more they ignored him and repeatedly called him names, the lower his head drooped. He began to play as though there was a weight hung around his shoulders.

I HATE BULLYING!!! We have seen the effects and toll it takes on people. I do not hate those young men and women who have lashed out in violence because of the cruel way they were treated by their peers. I understand violence is not the answer but we need to realize what drove those precious young men and women to the breaking point. What I saw on the playground today is only the beginning. These young men will enter Middle School and High School and their tactics and techniques will only get more abusive.

I will be praying for a breakthrough in our school. If our church is standing for a Cancer Free region than I as a mom can stand for a Bullying Free School District. These young men and women need to know Christ and have an encounter with Him. I have contacted the School and we are going to be working with them on some practical solutions but in the end a heart change needs to take place. So I go with a heavy heart and tears to war on behalf of my son and the countless other kids that are being hurt by others. Please keep us in prayer. This one is really tough and Shaggy doesn't want to go to school any more. After witnessing what I did today I almost hate sending him back, but I know we must press in and not run and hide. This really hurt today.

Getting To The Bottom Of Things

We had another rough morning yesterday with Shaggy refusing to get on the bus while we were at the bus stop and the bus was waiting. I sort of lost it and felt backed into a corner so I snapped. In my black leather jacket holding coffee (looking extremely hard core) I yelled "Don't make me put you on that bus son. Get your backside on that bus or else." I am sure I impressed every parent there and will be receiving the Mom Of the Year award this year.

I have been personally struggling with Shaggy's behavior. Walking home I called my husband and unloaded on him and then totally went drama queen on the Lord. I spat out that Shaggy is on his way to becoming a rebellious child and woe is me and sell drugs and blah, blah, blah. I know it sounds horrible. Then I hear the Lord say "Are you all done? You are definitely overly dramatic sometimes." Gasp!! God just told me I was overly dramatic. He then proceeded to tell me Shaggy is struggling with no friends at school and being picked on. 

My heart broke and I repented of thinking those curses and thoughts over Shaggy. I waited until he got home later that afternoon and gave him a big hug. We went into the computer room and had a talk. Low and behold (like God wasn't going to be right) Shaggy divulged everything. He is being picked on at school because he is in some advanced areas of Math, Science and Reading. Kids are making fun him because he is blessed with intelligence. He is also being picked on at recess because he is not the most athletic right now. He has so many growth spurts that he gets awkward and doesn't have great balance at times. He told me no one wants him on their team and he gets traded for other kids. Then if he is on their team they yell at him and call him a loser.

I felt crushed and hurt for my son. My first reaction (in my heart) was to go to school and teach those kids a lesson or two but I didn't want to share that with him. I told him I was so sorry and I wish I had known sooner.

We talked for a while and we are still in the process of helping him through this but the big thing is we got to the bottom of this. Sometimes our kids can't express themselves or may have difficulty so they just react. What I thought was pure rebellion was really his pain pouring out. He didn't want to tell me because he told me dad and I are really good at sports and we would be ashamed of him. Well, I didn't let that one go and gave him a big hug and told him how much we loved him no matter what he did. 

Today Shaggy got on the bus with no problems and a lighter heart. God is good. We will still be praying for wisdom on how to handle this with the school but to see his smiling face this morning and to get a great big kiss from him too melted my heart. I know now I must pursue my children just like the Father is always pursuing me.

I Think I am Over My Head When It Comes To Pre-Teen Boys

Today we were awakened by a screaming child and not our alarm clock. At 5:55 am this morning Shaggy decided to release his pre-teen angst on his brother Rocker, literally. He punched Rocker in the eye. There's a lot of love here today, not the best way to start your day.

My husband rolled out of bed to asses the situation and I tried rolling over in bed until my Knight came back in and kicked me out so he could talk and disciple Shaggy. UHHHGGG!!!! Come to find out Rocker irritated Shaggy by mocking him while he was setting the table for breakfast. He was trying to surprise us. I know exactly what he's talking about because I have seen Rocker do this before. So now we have two boys to deal with and it isn't 6:30am yet. Shaggy is going through this very difficult stage right now and I feel so unprepared. We have a young man who now is trying to break free from his childhood cocoon and fly into manhood. It's not an easy process. He told us he let his anger get to him and just reacted. He said he wanted to take care of the situation instead of having mom or dad do it. You know the whole "I am an adult now" kind of thinking even though he isn't yet.

He is a wonderful young man. Very loving and caring but he is still a boy going through life trying to be transformed into a man. My Knight also made the comment that Shaggy maybe starting to go through some hormonal switches too. Apparently my Knight was shaving by 12 years old and he thinks he is seeing the signs of testosterone eruptions. UHHHHGGG!!!

All this and I hadn't had my coffee yet. Just too much for me to absorb before 7am in the morning. Now I head off to sit in the Lords lap and ask for help. I may not know what I am doing but at least the Father does. I need some pre-teen downloads right now and I need to war on behalf of my son. I believe we can come through this stronger but I want to hedge Shaggy in so that the enemy cannot steal any of his destiny or purpose through this transition.

I will have to share about Rocker later too. He is going through some kind of funk also. Having 2 boys 15 months a part is wonderful it's just you now have 2 going through similar transitions at the same time. Please pray for me. At least I am still smiling as I desperately clutch my coffee mug slurping down as much caffeine as humanly possible!!!!!

Pre-Teen Angst

I love my Shaggy so much but I am headed into uncharted territory. He turns 10 very shortly and I can begin to see a change in my son. Not horrible or rebellious but a maturity and a desire to become a man. It is such a struggle for him. You can see those moments of youth explode out of him as he plays with his brothers and friends but there are also those moments when he rises up to be a "man". I am having to choose my battles wisely with him because I don't want to squash this individuation that is taking place. Along with that I am also his mama and sometimes on the rare occasion mama is right. So we pray and pray and pray about how to raise this young man of God. He is such a good boy and has a great heart and love for God and others, I just don't want to hinder him but at the same time I want to guide him.

I want him to have wisdom and learn discernment and not memorize a list of rules to follow. Like Rachel Hickson said at a conference a while ago "Rules will be broken, but people don't want to let others trust down." It isn't as simple as telling them no, to putting their finger or other objects in electrical sockets or teaching them to not lash out in anger and bite other children. There is so much more to this world they live in. I also don't want my boys to live off of my Spiritual fumes. They need their own filling and understanding of why they believe in God. So on top of all the other wisdom we are trying to impart and pray for, we are also answering many of their questions with questions. Shaggy and I watched a Discovery Channel program the other day about Exodus and Moses. The program was very interesting even if they missed the mark a few times. The best thing though was Shaggy began asking me what I thought and I turned it right back to him. I asked him what does it say in the Bible? Do you believe that? Why? I might not agree with all his thoughts but he was thinking and thinking on his own. Many times we would look it up together in the Bible and find we were both wrong but it was getting him to realize he needs to know in his heart and not just take my beliefs as his own.

So we are still trying to wade through all of this new territory. Some days we succeed with great victory and other times we crash and burn, but we keep going. I am just thankful that many times the Father works in spite of me and not always because of me. If any of you that have pre-teens out there have any good resources to recommend I would love to hear them. The only resource I would not recommend is James Dobsons Bringing Up Boys. There are many, many things in that book that I personally don't agree with and go against many of the personal convictions I have about the Lord. Anyway, that's a totally different post but if you know of any other great books or suggestions please feel free to comment. The day I stop learning is the day I no longer live.

Finished Projects!

The boys wanted me to show off their finished projects before we head out on vacation. We completed them today so here they are...
Shaggy's Camo, tank applique pillow. He even
stuffed and sewed it himself.

Rockers Christmas door sign. He did a great job with
learning basic embroidery and using the
sewing machine. Awesome Job Boys!!! You
make your mama proud!!!!

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

Shaggy the young man in the red shirt right side of the picture is our oldest. He is just a great kid. They all are. Shaggy is now 9 and reminding us every day he will soon be turning 10 in the fall. I can remember the day he was born, his first steps, and his first words. Things were easy back then as a parent. Yeah, you were tired and run down a lot but the discipline and rearing was pretty simple. You needed to teach them the basics of life and watch them grow.

Today we are faced with the harder issues and allowing them to stretch their own wings. I can honestly see how parents fall into the trap of controlling their children and stifling their development. I ask for wisdom every day from the Father about Shaggy. Shaggy is stretching and pushing back the boundaries, not in a rebellious or disrespectful way, but reminding my husband and I each day that what worked yesterday may not today. Here is the hard part. I want my children to have their own experiences with God. They need their own encounters and their own understanding of God's Word. They need to come to their own conclusions of life's toughest issues not just rely on what mom and dad believe. To allow them to only run on our spiritual fumes would be certain doom. They need to fill themselves up. But here is the tricky part. You need to ask lots of questions instead of answering them all. I want to just tell Shaggy why and what to do, but that would only handicap him in his physical and spiritual growth. My Knight and I have to rely on the Lord to supply Shaggy's needs. We still have boundaries he needs to stay in and we still impart our own wisdom, but we also need to be flexible and allow him the chance to become a young man. It is all a learning process for us as parents too. While Shaggy's wings spread and grow our parental wings are growing also. My heart wants to desperately equip my children for life not live it for them.