Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Another Great "Blob"

I found another great "Blob". Welcome are newest blobbing friend with lots of love!!!!
Another Piece of the Puzzle

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The End of a Battle, Beginning of a New Journey

We got a call back from one of the Pastors who was also a dear friend of ours at our church. He told my husband to bring me in right away. He wanted to start Healing Prayer Ministry with me. This was the hand of God ripping open my prison doors. Through this process you are prayed with and then the Lord is allowed to minister directly to the pain and lies. No counseling just one on one with the Lord.

The next year I fought for my life, with the Lord right at my side. I could not except that He would heal those with physical infirmities but not the broken hearted. At one point secular and Christian counselors told us I would never really get complete healing. My family, doctors and others suggested not to have any more children. I was not fit as a mother and this would only throw me backwards into more depression. Out of fear and sadness we listened to this counsel and ended our ability to have more children.

I wasn't going to accept the idea I would always be held by depression. They said it would take years but I refused and held on to the Lord for hope in months. We continued ministry through our church and began to see the breakthrough. My husband and I battled for every inch of healing. I went once a week for 4 months straight. I was put on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills. I did not go against my doctor but worked with them. Every time I felt we made progress I would ask the doctor to back off my medicine. Slowly but surely after a year long process I was medication free. We were truly seeing the Light at the end of a very dark and very long tunnel, t
his healing process was not easy. I had to face dark shadows of my past to overcome their grip on my life. The Father was there with His arms open and healing just poured from His heart. I had good days and bad. More and more people began to know about my struggles. Some rejected me, some embraced me. I do not get mad or angry at those who rejected me. Actually through this healing process I learned true forgiveness and have become great friends with those who once did not understand. Our God is a redeeming God. I am free now.

I have had no medication for 4 years and have not had the black cloud hang over me since. I feel truly free. My journey was tough but I now know the true God, His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. If not for my struggles I may have never encountered the Lord in this powerful way.

I have forgiven my family and I know that they themselves felt the cruel hand of abuse. That is why this vicious cycle continued on. But not anymore! My children do not face this in their lives. They watched as their mother transformed before them. We did not keep my struggles with the children a secret, but allowed them to be a vital part of my healing. Many times as small children my boys would minister to me. I remember one time vividly where I was in the heat of the battle and I just didn't want to continue my healing. I fell to the floor crying. As I sat with my face in my lap I felt little hands on my back. Through my tears I saw my two older boys praying for me. They were only 4 and 5 years old at this time. My oldest said "Mommy Jesus said you can do a do over. Just wipe it clean and start all over. He is here." How amazing is that!!! Time and time again all three poured something into my life. I feel as though we are stronger because of this.

I don't know why I was brought through this mess in the early years of my life but I no longer care to know. All I know is that I would never give up what I have now with my boys, my husband or with the Lord. I believe I will see redemption in my extended family one day and I pray for their own freedom!!!

What once was broken is now whole,
what once cowered in shadows,
now abides in the warmth of the SONs soul.

The prison walls crumbled,
beuatiful meadows now bloom.
The Father has returned
to reunite His bride with her Groom.

Depression Hurts...Part III

6 months after the birth of our first son I discovered I was pregnant again. As hard as it may sound to many I honestly did not realize you could get pregnant that quickly. It was a joy to us but also a hard point in our life. We knew we were not ready but we wanted to welcome this child in with love. This did not go well with my family. It was made known to me that all I was, was a slut. They made it very clear they did not approve of this child. This pregnancy was just as difficult as my first. At about 15 weeks I began hemorrhaging. They discovered a tear in my uterus caused by scar tissue. I did not lose the baby but was weak and sick for the first few months. We were going to an amazing church by now and had begun attending a small group. I never once imagined that those people who we had never known before this, would become like family.

Our second child was born healthy, strong and sweet. I struggled with severe post pardum depression but in all honesty I think it was the same depression I had been battling my entire life. I was just more vulnerable now. It was hard to get up in the morning, to keep going when everything felt like it was falling apart. I felt like a horrible mother and wife. I kept up a great mascaraed with the people from our church. Always having a smile on and playing the part of a good Christian. But if the Lord hates anything it is pretending. He was very effective at pulling my masks away.

I struggled daily to keep my depression a secret from those around me. Sometimes I even convinced myself I was O.K. You see in society you are rejected and cast away if you aren't "normal". My depression made me "abnormal". This is true even in the church. You are not really a Christian if you struggle or so I thought. I had two unexpected pregnancies during the two years after our second son, both ending in miscarriages. I told my family once about the first pregnancy but was quickly informed we didn't need anymore children so it was a blessing. After the second miscarriage I kept my mouth shout to my family and approached my husband about trying to have a third child. We agreed together and began trying. I became pregnant quickly and then had to go through hormone therapies to keep the baby. My body finally adjusted and I was able to carry the child full term. Our youngest now came into the world.

This time my post pardum depression hit too hard. It totally rocked my world and I was spiralling out of control. One day my husband came home after a frantic phone call from me to find me in a corner again weeping. He looked at me and said "I need to get you help." He called around trying to decide if I needed to be hospitalized. This is a moment I will never forget. I was so sick and trapped I thought my life was coming to its bitter end. Thankfully the Lord had a greater plan....

Depression Hurts....Part II

I only went to college for two years when I was informed by my parents that it was too expensive and I either had to work or go to school near my home. I couldn't stand the thought of returning, leaving my dear friends who had loved me and helped me. I had no choice at the time so I packed up and moved back. I took on a full time job and continued my schooling. I also made the decision to move in with my grandparents hoping it would help.

I was able to escape most of the daily barrage of abuse but the job and school only made me become numb and not really deal with what was truly going on inside. I was at school from 10am-1pm and then had an 3pm-11pm shift at a local nursing home. On top of all this my position was a nurses aide on the intensive care unit. For the 6 months I worked there I witnessed 6 of my patients die and was with 3 of them at their deaths. These events just compiled my grief and sadness.

I was engaged months after I left college and ready to be married. My fiance was a good man, who loved me unconditionally something I had not felt before. Most of my boyfriends were, well to put it bluntly jerks. After only a few months of engagement we moved into together out where we had gone to college. We were not walking with the Lord at the time. Both of us wanted to know God more but only knew of the religious world. No one was happy with us, friends and family alike. I became pregnant and we decided to marry right away. I remember the phone call to my mom. I was cursed out and felt verbally battered. My pregnancy was terrible. I knew no one other then my husband and I wanted this baby. It was made clear every time we visited. I was only 20 years old.

I threw up morning, afternoon and night. I couldn't leave the house much because of how sick I was. This went on for 8 months straight. My depression came back full force. My husband would find me in a dark corner sobbing uncontrollably. He worked two jobs at this time, one from 10am-7pm and then 10pm-4am. To this day it is an absolute miracle that we even made it.

5 months into our first year of marriage and 5 months pregnant I received a phone call at 4am. It was my husband. He had been in a motorcycle accident and I had to rush to the hospital. He was alright but the shock was brutal. Then 2 months later I was awakened in the middle of the night to a sound at our bedroom window. When I turned on the lights I discovered to my shock and horror that a man was breaking in. His face revealed it all; he had no intentions of stealing anything.

I phoned the police quickly and they were able to chase him away. He was never found or captured. I was now 7 months pregnant. For the next year I never slept until my husband came home from work. Thankfully our oldest son came into this world healthy and strong at 10lbs. We moved shortly after his birth helping me to feel somewhat safer. After another year my husband quit the two jobs and found one steady one. With the many blessings also came more set backs.....

Depression Hurts, But Doesn't Have To Destroy! Part I

I wanted to chronicle my journey through battling severe depression. It is a testimony of God's faithfulness and I would like my children to know one day.

I have come from a highly dysfunctional family. Verbal and emotional abuse was a daily occurrence. I remember struggling with depression as a little girl. For the most part I was outgoing and positive but the pain was always there at the surface. I also suffered a deadly blow with rape and sexual abuse. Through high school the pain finally erupted and began to manifest through coping mechanisms. I began self inflicting injuries. I would take large rocks or irons and bang them against my arms until they bruised. Some how in my mind if I could feel pain physically the pain in my heart wouldn't hurt so bad. Of course this never worked but the deadly cycle just continued until I tried taking my life my Junior year of high school. I was in the hospital when the social worker informed me and my mom I would have to go for counseling. My mom lied and told them we had a counselor at our church and signed off on the papers. I never did get help.

I battled with an eating disorder that spiraled out of control my Senior year. My family would constantly compare my sister and I about our weight. I frequently and excessively exercised and binged and purged. I tried to not eat any food, like an anorexic does, but did not have the self control or discipline so I would find my self gorging food by the weekend and then having to purge it out of my system. These were dark days.

Many people say I have done so much in my life but honestly a lot of it was an escape route for me. Sports, extra circular activities helped me to escape my home environment for periods of time. College was a great transition. When I graduated high school things began to look up for me as I moved out of state and away from my shadowy prison. I found good friends who lifted me up and encouraged me. They were true believers of Christ, not dead religious people like those I grew up with. I began seeing a psychologist at the campus and felt maybe I had finally conquered this cloud of darkness once and for all, but that was not to be......

Guess Who's Blobbing?

Well you might not guess who but check it out. No posts yet it's still under construction but you can go see who. I guess the old saying is true "If you can't beat them, join them."
Fire'n Clouds

Monday, January 28, 2008

Through the Survivors Eyes

I recently read on the Internet today a list of ways to help women keep themselves safe from rapists. It was entitled Through the Rapists Eyes. I have no hard feelings towards those who publish this list but with those who created it. I feel as someone who has experienced this first hand I must speak out.

I am absolutely appalled that we write comments about how rapists view their victims. How many of you wear ponytails? How many of us sit in cars while rifling through our purse at the store? Should we now look over our shoulders at every turn? This just breeds fear in our hearts and brings shame to those who have experienced rape. They are terrorists and their methodology is to keep us in fear. God is the only one in control in our lives. If we want to encourage and uplift the women in our lives pray for them. Hedge them in with your prayers and love. Actually the list testifies that there is no one thing that draws the attacker to the victim. It changes from attacker to attacker. How can we say it is wisdom to educate women this way? We basically tell them you could fall victim no matter what you do. They actually made the statement it is better to paranoid than dead. That is no life at all!!!

I have lived through rape and sexual abuse. I no longer walk in fear! That is only because I heard the Lord specifically say to me there was nothing I could have done. I do not walk looking behind me anymore because I pray for protection and not depend on a list of defense techniques or apparel warnings. Please, Please, hear my heart. When you post this list you throw it in the faces of women who have been raped that they did something wrong. This list allows the attackers to revert the blame back to the victims. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. We wore something attractive making us targets. We did not fight hard enough. This is the message you are sending out to women.

There is nothing you can do but pray and fight in this type of attack. All of life flashes before you in a split second and you are not remembering a list of do's and don'ts you only react. But when the attacker is 100 lbs. bigger than you, your strength is not enough. Some are lucky who escape but for those of us who could not, you cannot present a list of things we should have done. You only hurl insult, shame, and guilt.

For those of you like me who have survived, there is complete freedom from shame and guilt. Our Father in Heaven washes it away as far as the East is from the West. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing to deserve this. Your hair, attitude, clothing had nothing to do with that mans evil intents. For the sake of us, survivors of this type of brutal attack, please do not circulate this any more. You are not helping other women to avoid this but only creating fear in their lives. Give them the only protection we can offer one another, pray for your sisters! And for those of us who have survived rape this interview with our attackers only allows them one last blow!!!!!

Friday, January 25, 2008

31 Crazy Things About Me!

So here it is a list of crazy things that make up who I am. Maybe you knew, maybe not. I saw you guys do this on other sites and thought it would be fun. I don't know after this one you all might be leaving by the droves when you see just how crazy I can be. Here we go in no particular order....

1)I have a loom and love to weave. Although I don't often because of the kids and being busy.

2)I have sheared a sheep and it lived to baa another day.

3)I was a professional cowgirl riding in the rodeo for barrel racing and calf roping. Doesn't mean at all that I was any good, just had lots of fun.

4)I was president of my high school FFA chapter(Future Farmers of America). Of course that comes in handy now.

5)I used to drive tractors, plow fields, plant crops and spread manure (cow poopy).

6)I would love to be in a play but I have horrible stage fright. In high school I was just the producer.

7)I have actually won national public speaking contests for 4-H and FFA. Now I can barely stand in front of people with out passing out.

8)I have a weird fear of sharks. I can actually spook myself in pools, lakes, and rivers. But I love the ocean. I always swim with people further out than me.

9)Like Krazy Klingers I hate shaving my legs but even more I hate the idea of people seeing my hairy legs.

10)My all time dream is to summit Mt Everest. However with the fact that it takes approx. 2-3 months and $60,000.00 I see it as a far off dream.

11) I like to water ski but scared myself last time because my ski fell off and flip upside down. The fin was sticking up and I just started screaming Shark! BTW I was in a river in NY.

12) I am a cartoon junky. I love Scooby-doo, Generation One Transformers and GI Joe.

13)I also love cartooning. My favorite cartoonist/comic book writer is Stan Lee. Rocker and I draw for hours together.

14)I am a burden barer or what some call highly sensitive. I can easily pick up others emotions, pain or feelings and take them on myself. I constantly have to release them back to God.

15)I love riding motorcycles and maybe one day will get another.

16)I absolutely would love to get a tatoo!!

17)I used to show Horses, beef steers, pigs and even chickens.

18)I rode at the PA Farm Show many years ago in the rodeo there.

19)I love history. I love learning about wars and battle. One of my favorite books is Beyond the Band of Brothers.

20)Favorite authors are JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis. I reread many of their books every year.

21)I wanted 5 boys before I had children. Now I am content with 3.

22)I love snow and winter. My favorite thing to do in winter is build snow forts.

23)I love video games to the point where I hog the game time up for myself.

24)I like action movies like Lord of the Rings, King Kong, Batman Begins.

25)So is anyone really reading this. I am running out of things!!!

26)My dream is to work with children in ministry and become a missionary to missionaries. Reach out to those on the field instead of have them come home for issues and difficulties.

27)My most embarrassing moment was in college when I passed gas at a baptism. Not my own baptism someones else's and believe me everyone heard. I definitely had to claim ownership of that one.

28) My two favorite people in history are George Washington and William Wilberforce.

29)I like to write poetry and read poetry. Kind of a closet thing I do. It's a good way for me to be expressive when I am spending time with God.

30)Yes I really do want to go hang gliding sometime.

31)I am holding on to all hope that we will be blessed with one more baby. I would really like a baby girl. I can't go into much detail here but I can not physically have any more children so it is something I am asking God to do miraculously in my life.

There you have it evidence of my completely insane world!!

Count Down to 31

Wow, sorry about the venting session yesterday. Thank you for your encouragement! I needed some time out. I do that often if I begin to throw a tantrum or pity party I put myself in time out with the Father.

I was thinking about this weekend and turning 31. I remembered how last year turning 30 was such a big deal, or so I thought. I actually likened it to Y2K. Do you remember that? Everyone racing all over declaring the end of the world because of a possible computer glitch. You were told to buy MRE's, generators and even stockpile food. It was crazy. In the end we hit the new millennium with out even the lights flickering. Well that was 30. A lot of fuss and no atomic bomb blast or anything.

I am realizing that the older I get the more my body does take a toll. I have always gone by the motto your as young as you feel. Most of the time I feel like I'm in my twenties until last year.

Last year for my birthday my Knight took me skiing. We both love to ski and I have been skiing since I was 9. My dad would take us kids to the Poconos every year. I decided that I was going to start snowboarding. Two years before that I started trying it out and wasn't to bad, not great either but it was fun. So let's do that again I thought. So for those who don't know anything about snowboarding your bindings on a snowboard do not release like skies. You are utterly and completely at the mercy of your snowboard when you fall.

The night went well and I was getting the hang of it. Of course I stayed on the bunny slope. Then I decided I wasn't doing to bad so lets jump up to the next level. Now my head was kind of getting big and I truly believe I was having delusions of grandeur. I went up the lift got off with out falling this time so things were going well. Boy, I'm pretty darn good!! I am one hot snowboarding chick or so I thought at the time. The Lord has an amazing way of showing us how bloated we can get about ourselves.

I creep up to the edge with my board teetering over the lip of the slope and look down. Not too bad, I can handle this. So I jump and head down. First turn pretty good. Second turn a little wobbly . Third turn I a realize how fast I am going and that I have lost complete control of what I am doing. Then without warning I lose it and begin to tumble head over heels down the icy descent. There was no mercy and I could not stop. Thankfully I finally came to a grinding halt. At one point I literally thought I would become like a cartoon and form a human snowball. Laying there on the slope a group of teens stopped and asked if I needed the ski patrol. Trying to gather any shred of dignity I had left I untangled myself and let them know I was fine.

Well after kicking my snowboard down the rest of the mountain I came to the agonizing realization that my body is no longer twenty, it is defiantly in it's 30's. Ouch that hurt. So for this year I thought I might take it easy on myself. Anyone one for Hang Gliding?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Failing Motherhood 201

I have told myself time and again when the boys entered school I would not procrastinate on projects or let the due dates creep up on me. So much for that theory!!!

Yesterday I was fumbling through some papers on our desk when a brightly colored sheet caught my eye. "What's this?" I wondered. Then to my horror I realized it was a book report/project for Rocker and the deadline was tomorrow. Gasp!!! No, I couldn't have done this! I promised myself I wouldn't do this!

Even surrounded by very gifted, highly organized people I have failed miserably at keeping up with my kids homework assignments. I failed Motherhood 201 which is second grade projects.

So now as soon as Rocker steps off the bus we hit the road running and I whip him into the living room to start working. The poor child got whiplash. We read the handout and found that it is not just an oral book report but also diorama explaining details and characters. We quickly finished normal homework assignments for that night and then tore into the project. My clean and picked up living room was once again turned into a creative den. We colored, cut, pasted until are fingers were just about to fall off. I somehow managed dinner in the midst of all this. Shaggy and Drama King decided they were going to make their own diorama's. What the hey, my living room is trashed anyway what's another project for the evening going to hurt. So the evening continued on and the project was completed.

I woke up got dressed and drove everyone in to school this morning. I watched Rocker proudly display his project to everyone that he passed going into school. With a smile on his face I actually heard him say "My mom helped me, she's really cool." My heart melted and all that fussing and toil last night faded away. Now with bags under my eyes I head out to buy a white board so I can keep track of these horrible projects and not let one sneak up on me again.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Birthday List

OK. So my Knight asks me the other day to make a Birthday List this year. He said I could list anything that I would really like for my Birthday this weekend. Anything. I reassure him that I don't like wish lists and I don't care about my Birthday. Get whatever you want me to have. Really, I don't like wish lists its just a personal issue.

No, my Knight says I must. I can't think of anything. I've got it, "Why don't you just use the money you would have spent on my gift and put it down on our debt." We are trying desperately to get out of debt by the end of this year. We are very close to paying it off and we just might make it. But no that idea is shot down quickly. He insists he must buy me a present this year. "How about a gift card to OLD NAVY?" This is the only store I willing go to. "No, no gift cards!!" he protests. So now I try one more time to appease him. "How about a Play Station 3? "I love video games, I mean LOVE them. I haven't had one since I left for college. That would be wonderful. There! I asked for something I really wanted.

Boy you should have seen the look on his face. It definitely was not the right answer. The lecture of why I should not have a video game system went on and on. So now what? We were back at square one. I finally told him what I wanted and he said it was too much money. Well, when did he put a price limit on this list?

Now we enter the discussion with his thoughts of what I want. Let me Ipod. "No, that is what you wanted for Christmas my dear." A new fly fishing rod? "No my old one is fine dear!!!" A Kitchen Aide? "Well like I have said in the past, that would be wonderful if I actually had a counter top in my kitchen to use it on!!!" So as you can see this whole evening just spiraled downwards finally crashing into a fiery mess. I still have no list and I am very afraid to even ask my Knight now if he still plans on getting me a present this weekend. So help me. If you have any good suggestions for a birthday gift let me know ASAP. We might need to make an appointment with Pastor Thom or Pastor Shawn for this one.

By the way, is this just us or do you guys have moments like this in your marriage?

Road Trip

So Drama King and I hit the highway this morning and went to Chambersburg for a Play. Drama King has become my all time road buddy coming with me on my crazy adventures. It's really nice though. I wasn't able to this with the other boys, either we didn't have the finances at the time or with everyone under the age of 5 it was too intimidating for me. Now Drama King and I hit the road often taking in coffee houses, plays, museums and stuff.

Today Pastor Thom Gardner's wife Carol wrote and directed a children's play for their high school. She is the drama teacher for Shalom Christian Academy. It was great. The play was a musical rendition of Cinderella. Drama King enjoyed himself although very unimpressed over the whole fairy godmother turning Cinderella into a Princess bit. He wanted the Princess to take out her evil stepsisters once and for all. You know the whole sword fighting duel, run the bad guy through. It's a boy thing.

After that we had lunch together and now I must return to my duties and do something before my Knight returns from work. The snow is lightly falling and all that is piling up at my house is laundry at this moment. I am predicting 2-3 inches of laundry accumulation with a slight chance of ironing.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Anyone for Chinese tonight?

We had a blast tonight at dinner time. I cooked Chinese food and then set up a small table low to the ground in our living room. The boys helped by gathering pillows and setting the table complete with chopsticks. Our menu consisted of Vegetable Lo mien, fried rice, Sweet&Sour chicken and fortune cookies.

We sat down, ate and had such a great time. The boys enjoyed it so much they stayed at the table longer than they normally do. We chatted about everything and even took some time to reminisce about the missions trip Rocker and I took to China a few years ago. We also used the fortune cookies as an object lesson. We discussed about the gift of prophesy and how the world looks to a counterfeit means through fortune telling and palm readers and such. That made for an interesting conversation and helped the boys understand the difference between God's gifts and the worlds counterfeits. It was so nice and relaxed.

It took about 2 hours of cooking and preparation but I enjoy cooking Asian cuisine a lot. In the end the time and effort was well worth it!

Friday, January 18, 2008

More Shout Outs!!!

Shout Outs Part 2

To Like I was Saying...:

A Leader. Many have said it before but it rings out with truth. You are a leader like no other. You do not charge ahead barking commands or demanding loyalty. You get underneath and push us all upwards. You show us how great leaders flow with extreme humility, character, and love. Above all the tremendous gifts you have to offer our world you are always looking into others to ignite their gifts. Where would we be if more would lead from your example.

To On Fire For Jesus:

Let me just begin by saying it is a great heartache for me to know that our paths did not cross more often when you were here in PA. I have been so blessed to get to know you through the blogging world but I know it can not compare knowing you in person. You are a fiery woman of God. Your heart just explodes with His passion and love. Can I say you are a woman after God's own heart!!!!!

To Say Anything...:

You make us laugh and you make us cry. You share from your heart and become vulnerable. Through that you reach into others heart and touch them. You are a woman of strength and courageousness. You have a deep well that is being opened more and more. Honey let it flow because God has a tremendous plan, destiny for you. What you are moving in is only the trickling of a greater outpouring of the Fathers goodness. You are also the coolest chick I know. I wish I could have an ounce of you creativity and design talents. You Rock!!!


You are a pearl of great price. I woman of integrity, loyalty, and honor. You are an encourager and a teacher. I think basically they go hand in hand. You press on-ward and up-ward in the pursuit of the Kingdom. God is stretching you only because He sees great value and worth. You are a woman grounded in your identity as a daughter of God. That is the greatest gift to have. Teach it to others so that woman everywhere can walk in that freedom.

To Thrills...

You have such a tenderness and kindness in you. I may not know you as well as others but those attributes are so apparent. A loving kindness that the Bible talks about when referring to God's own mercy. That's it!!! You remind me of a character in a book I am reading to the boys. Her name is mercy and she is such a beautifully and loving woman of God, just like you.


Shout Outs!!!

I saw this on a Web site for 'From Me Tees' and I thought this was a great idea. I was taught growing up that we need to "humble" ourselves instead of building each other up. Therefore I was brought up in a very discouraging atmosphere. To compliment or uplift someone was thought of as vanity or selfrighteouness. Well what I tell my kids now is how wonderful they are. The world is full of people who will let us know how "humble" we are (sarcastically speaking). Let's build each other up. For the next couple of days I want to give a SHOUT OUT to some of my friends in and out of the blogging world. So join me. Leave a Shout Out in my comments or post one on your blog (I will post those left in the comments). Let's encourage and lift one another up instead of tearing each other down!!!!

To Hands Free Heart:

You are truly a beautiful woman of God. You are filled with the Fathers love and kindness. You show us what it means to be real and honest not with holding anything, but giving your all. You are a good mama and it radiates through your boys smiles. Oh what amazing things the Father has for you. You have only seen the tip of the ice berg. I am blessed to know you and call you friend.
To Plain and Simple:

You know your blog title doesn't do you justice. You are so more than that. You are an incredible woman. Each time we speak more and more of you begins to shine through. You are a multi-faceted diamond from the Father. Your creativity is incredible. You are the Proverbs 31 woman. You are a warrior worshiper and my heart leaps when I hear you give of yourself to Him. May God breakthrough in even greater ways!!!
To The Gangs All Here:

I miss you being around. You are a pillar for the Kingdom. We need women like you to draw from your deep wells of wisdom that you have. I have lovingly named you Supper Mom at our house. You have a heart that just keeps going and going and going. Each time you think you filled it more opens up. You are a woman I admire and respect greatly and I know that I speak for so many who have been touched by your life.
To oH mY wORD:

You are a true sister and friend. I may not be a physical sister but I am so honoured to call you my sister in Christ and my friend. Your joy is contagious. Your laughter fills those who hear it with the Fathers own laugh. Your unbridled desire for more of the Father is also contagious. No one can be around you or your family for a few moments and not know that your eyes are firmly fixed on Jesus. Amazing, simply said your an amazing woman of God.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Shopping Woes!!!!

O.K., so I hate shopping to begin with, but of course leave it to my boys to do something forcing me to go to the stores and get new clothes for them. We have an ongoing coat battle in our house. They don't last. Right in the middle of winter someone rips or some how destroys their coat. It never fails. Last year the Shag Man tore his heavy winter jacket in two. IN TWO!!! How is that possible you say? Well he jumped off the rock climbing wall at school and caught his jacket on one of the hand holds. He snagged it perfectly at the seam and came home with two jackets.

Now the really funny part about that story is his teacher called home to make sure I would not get upset with him. Honestly by now I am used to this whole deal. However, the Shag Man informed his teacher that I told him if he tore one more thing of clothing I would put him in a skirt. Oops, I did kind of make that remark once. Shopping once for pants that we can't keep knees in I did happen to joke with him about how I would make him wear kilts if he ripped another pair of pants. That was difficult to explain.

So now back to this year. Rocker ripped the zipper right off his jacket. He came home with it flapping in the breeze and has no idea how it happened. Oh, boy. Like a good mom I couldn't stand to have him coatless in the middle of winter so I go shopping again.

What is wrong with retail stores these days. It's the middle of January and there were bikinis and suntan lotion out. Nobody had winter clothes. AHHHGG!!!! The only time I go to multiple stores in one day is at Christmas time. I had to go to every store on our side of the river. Finally Penny's still carries winter clothes. Well after an excruciating day of shopping it was miraculously redeemed at Penny's. I got Rocker a $80.00 coat for $11.00. I think the Lord was extending me mercy for this horrible day. Happily Drama King and I went home and later that night we gave the coat to Rocker. Everything fits and he likes the color. Few!!! So now can anyone tell me of a good, indestructible brand of jacket I can get the boys? I am actually willing to pay good money for it, if it really stands up to the testing of my kids. Remember with three boys nicely spread apart in age it can be handed down. Please Help Me!!!!!!

The innocent years of winter before
they turned into international jacket assassins.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

My guys.
From left to right Drama King, Rocker & the Shag Man.
Yes the crazy woman in the back is me.

My Knight in Shinning Armour
Looking a little less shiny here, but
very adorable!!

10, 8, 31

Numbers are meaningless to people unless you know their significance. Let me explain.

#10- The number of years My Knight and I will be married for as of this Feb. 8th. It will be a tremendous occasion for the both of us.

#8- The age Rocker will be turning this Jan. 27th. He is an amazing gift. I had a 15 month old at home so times were busy. We also get to celebrate this year by doing the Car Seat Burning Ceremony. We have two out of car seats one more to go!!!

#31- The age I will be turning this Jan. 27th. Yes Rocker was born on my birthday. Didn't know it until later that evening when my Knight brought me a birthday cake in the hospital. At first I assumed it was for the baby. We blew out candles and then I realized how much work/pain I went through on my birthday. It is also a very crowded birthday because I have a twin brother. So now my birthday is spent baking cakes, decorating and playing games with my son. Believe me I enjoy it!!

So there you have it. These are numbers that have great meaning to me!!!!!
What are some meaningfully numbers in your life?

Friday, January 11, 2008

Missing Body Parts

You know it's always interesting to me how the Lord speaks. It's never with lighting or earthquakes just His still, quiet voice. I was trying to clean some today(see trying to clean!!!!) when I discovered a body part to one of the boys toys. They are all over the house. Heads to Lego men, arms to Transformers, and legs to who knows what. The boys have a pile of useless toys because their body parts are missing. Well this narrative is strictly a conversation between the Father and me so please don't feel like I am preaching to anyone. I just thought I would share my heart.

I looked at the missing leg of the Transformer and right away the Father showed me a picture of the Body of Christ. It had many missing pieces. He made me realize that those pieces are people. People who I personally struggle with at times or would rather not work with in the Body. Believe me He was very clear even to the point of giving me names. The world is rejecting My Body because it is still rejecting itself. How can we expect to function properly when we are missing a limb or head or vital organ? Like the toys the boys refused to play with because they were not complete or whole the world looks to us the same way. Boy that was hard to swallow. Especially since He was clear about the part I was playing in this problem. Then I began to see each of the people He had quickened to my spirit and like snow melting on a warm spring day my hardness and rejection towards these individuals was released from my heart. I saw them as He saw them. Yes some were hurting and reacting out of their pain but He was very open to me and showed me a time I behaved just like them. Someone (or should I say many people) reached out to me even at times getting their hands bit off by me. This was powerful. Now I know it's not going to be easy and not everyone will be ready for me to just reach out there to them, but I am ready to wait on God and reach when he tells me too instead of brushing them off.

I restored the toy parts back their original bodies and knew in my heart I must be a part of restoring the missing parts of the Body of Christ and not discarding the whole thing because I saw it as useless.

Froggy vs. Dust Bunny

Some may say it isn't true but this is a true story. Anything is possible at our wacky home. I am actually still amazed myself. The other day we were running around the house during chores and homework. While I was picking up, out of the corner of my eye I saw something on the floor (not unusual). When I looked down I realized one of the boys had left a toy rubber frog on the floor. Oddly enough it was tangled in a dust bunny. I guess that's not really odd because the boys are always dropping things behind the couch and bouncing things under cabinets. But why here in the middle of the hall.

Well I bent down to retrieve the dusty toy when to my surprise it moved!!! Or did it? Maybe the toxic fumes are finally getting to me. So I reached for it again and to my amazement it moved again. A little freaked out I called for the boys and Shaggy and Rocker came to my rescue. After a thorough analysis of the sitch I realized it was indeed a real frog. It had hopped around our house and got tangled up in a dust bunny. Boy I guess I need some spring cleaning ASAP if our home is that dangerous to the welfare of frogs.

The compassionate animal loving side of me came through and we gave Kermit a bath, freeing him from his dusty chains that had imprisoned him. Then we all looked for more info on him in a book Rocker had about various outdoor critters. He is a bonefide tree frog not a toad. After the bath and on closer inspection you could see the little sticky pads on his feet. So Shaggy, Rocker & Drama King began sticking Kermit to everything in our home(or at least trying to he fell a couple of times). Rescuing the poor frog we transferred him back to our yard. Apparently they dig deep into mud and dirt and hibernate during the winter. Somehow he was a little confused on the season and came to the surface to early. I don't blame him for the confusion, I think I am a little confused myself with which season we are in. So there you have it. No one fessed up on how this critter entered our house. I just hope this is not a sign of an on coming plague or something.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Creative Mess

So here are the boys enjoying a cardboard box I retrieved for a children's ministry project. The left over piece was quickly confiscated by the boys and turned into a tent, then to a fort, then to a spaceship. Well this is my life. Creativity is a normal way of life here but the not so normal part is it literally explodes all over the house. I liken it to a volcanic eruption that then spills into every corner of our home. I am just as guilty with this as the boys are and as my Knight constantly tells me it is because of my creative eruptions the boys got this way. Oh well, what can I say.

I have a craft room (AKA crap room) that contains a computer, sewing machine, loom and lots of shelves. However there are no tables or adequate room for really being creative in there so it gets moved to the living room or dinning room. There it takes on a life of its own and migrates throughout the house. Castles are built, expeditions are set, mad scientists experiment and the great artists paint another rendition of the Sistine Chapel. I love being apart of this creative monstrosity until I look at the clock and realize we have company coming in an hour. As a gaze about these amazing works of art I come to the agonizing conclusion I don't really think they would enjoy playing in our fort. So there is a mad dash to clean and most of the stuff gets kicked down the cellar stairs for hiding.

I usually have papers carpeting the floors covered by paint, pencil or markers. Yarn is a necessary evil here always hanging around. Paper Mache', clay and the occasional wood chips can also be present. Like I Was Saying... once told me my home constantly smells like some type of spray adhesive or chemical reaction. All I know is that one day I will have poured all I have into theses next generation artists, scientists, National Geographic explorers or military strategists.

Is it insanity or love that keeps me bound in this mad cycle of creativity? I don't know maybe both. So if you ever drop by unannounced to our home you will either run away screaming or just learn to duck and cover.

PS I really loved the laundry suggestions and comments last post it was intriguing.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Road to Recovery

It has been 3 months and a week since my Knights motorcycle accident. These are after shots of the bike we had to take for the insurance company. The bike was totaled. It's somewhat hard to see the whole scope of damage from these shots but the frames integrity was completely compromised in the accident. My Knights last doctors appointment was last Monday when he was released from medical care. The doc's say they could not find one shred of evidence his right leg had been broken. The plate and screws will stay but he has regained full use and motion. It is interesting how with his complete healing and recovery I now face my own.

For many of you who do not know about the accident it was a turning point in my families life. I thought through all the miraculous moments and awesome testimony of God's hand in our lives during this time that the accident itself was no biggy. My Knight was snatched from the hand of death and completely restored why should I still be struggling. Then it hit me hard the other day. I heard an ambulance race past our street. I clutched my chest as I felt my heart beating so hard it was going to burst. My mind was flood with memories of the day. The phone call from the ambulance driver as he used my husbands own cell phone to contact me. My trip to the ER with three boys in the van all praying in tongues because we did not know what condition their father was in. I remember walking into the ER as if in a fog something very surreal. There on a backboard and in a neck brace was my husband of 9 years. His clothes tattered and stained with blood. As I looked into his face pale with excruciating pain he whispered "I thought I would never see you again." Days after we waited patiently for a doctors report from his surgery. Then we faced weeks of recovery. I had to wash and dress him because his right leg was immobile. I became the head of our house and the emotional support for three young boys and a temporarily disabled husband.

The Lord was awesome through this whole experience but I convinced myself that because of His amazing hand in our lives the accident was no big deal. The testimony was shared time and again and it's miraculousness was lost to me. It was just another story. Now as I write this, tears well in my eyes and I know it is my time for recovery. I must seek out the Father and receive healing in those areas of my heart that I pushed down or stuffed. I am grateful as of this Feb. I will have the opportunity to celebrate 10 years with my Knight. Thank you Father for one more year and your patience with me while you waited for me to come to you for my healing journey.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Vertical or Horizontal Stripes

The other day I had the unfortunate business of returning a Christmas gift. You know one of those pieces of clothing that look great in the store on display but was never intended for an actual human person to wear. Well the task was even greater because I had to take all three boys. Now you must understand I actually don't like shopping. I am a get in, get out kind of gal, but with three boys in toe it was not going to be that easy.

After a long process of exchanging the garment for a store gift card we headed to the women's department. I heard a dozen complaints and "Aren't we done yet?" before we even passed the main entrance. Well I know this wasn't going to be fun so I was going to make it as painless as possible and hurry through the clothes to find something. Of course no one else was getting the point so the three of them lagged behind.

Finally I found a sweater I liked and was holding it up determining the proper size when Rocker, my middle son, approached and asked if that's what I wanted. I told him yes I just needed to find my size. With a very disgusted look on his face he promptly told "Mommy you know stripes this way makes you look fat but stripes up and down make you look skinny. I wouldn't get that." Well blow me away I was stunned and in shock and stood there staring at him. How did he know that and when did he become my fashion consultant? He then proceeded to rifle through the sweaters and picked out a solid color. "Here mommy this is pretty and it would go well with your dirty blond hair." Adding insult to injury my mouth hung open. Is my hair really dirty blond? This is my son isn't it? I looked around to see if I could spot TV camera's maybe I was on some reality show or something.

I informed Rocker (who is turning 8 at the end of Jan.) that I really liked the sweater and I didn't think my hair was dirty blond. We debated back and forth for a few more moments on these pressing issues until I realized Shaggy was trying to get Drama King, the youngest, to hide in between clothes racks and then ditch his younger brother. I gathered my crew together and picked up my sweater (the one with horizontal stripes because I really liked it) and headed to the cashier. While waiting to check out Rocker reassured me of his love and that I would look beautiful with whatever I wore. As I quote "It's whats inside of you mommy that counts even if you wear the wrong stripes."

Even without girls I still am critiqued on hair and clothes styles. So what do you think horizontal or vertical stripes, or you just don't care like me? Just a side note Rocker was actually not being disrespectful during this entire exchange. He really seemed concerned for my poor fashion choice.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Rock and a Hard Place

Just a random thought that caught my attention today from the Lord I wanted to share. I was watching an educational program with my youngest, Drama King, for a few minutes of down time. I am not sure what it was called but it had a baby duck, turtle and I think the other creature was a hamster. It was cute and they sung to opera style songs.

Well anyway, they needed to save a triceratops from being stuck between two boulders. The little duck chimed in with "she's stuck between a rock and a hard place". Immediately my mind was flooded with a battle a have been waging with, that is still ongoing. It's a no win situation I have battled through with many tears and much prayer poured out over it. I have recently felt backed into a corner and stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't move forward or in any direction for that matter. Then as though the Father did a Holy Spirit strifing run on my heart I heard Him say you are between the 'Rock' and a hard place. It seized my heart and I couldn't let it go. Like the disciples of old I asked for the meaning. He told me He has hemmed me in and I was to lean on Him. It was not a place of impasse but a place of impact. He was using this to bring healing in my life. I would most likely had run if the Lord had not hedged in behind me. Now I know it is really a place I can rest in instead of resist.

Within moments of those beautiful words being spoken I was transported back to my family room with my sandwich still in hand. I looked up to see the end of the cartoon as the triceratops pops out of the rock formation free and unharmed. Just thought I would share.

Little Cup o' Joe

This is my coffee companion. Drama King loves coffee and has since he could sip from a cup (regular cup not sippy-cup that is). My Knight has gone to giving him a mug of Joe once or twice a month on the weekends with us. Drama King is quite the coffee snob too. He doesn't like store bought brands and he loves flavorings. Of course we love flavorings also so there is always an assortment for him to choose from at home.

When he was younger he would constantly sip our coffee even when we discouraged it but that did not stop him. He then began to sneak it whenever we left our cup of Joe alone and unattended. So we gave in. Drama King also likes to go with me to coffee houses or cafes on occasion.

But before you roll your eyes or think that I am a terrible mom for addicting my child to coffee let me note that at home his mug contains 1/4 mug of coffee, 1/4 mug of milk, some flavoring, and lots of whip cream. When we are out he shares with me frozen lattes and cappuccino milkshakes. He is not a hard core, drink it black kind of guy. At preschool he was asked to share with the class what his favorite food was. Of course he said "Cup-o chinos". The other children were left clueless but the teachers sure got a kick out of it. Well here's to all you coffee lovers enjoy to the last drop.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

My Big Fat Blob!!!

I must confess for a first time blogger I made a really big "blob"! I did not share with My Knight in Shinning Armour that I had started blogging because we were not seeing eye to eye on this issue. Well I understood his feelings, but I gave in to my bigger desire to start blogging. This Feb. we will be celebrating 10 years of marriage and you would think I would not go behind his back and set one up secretly, but I did.

My two older sons were in the room when I was writing my first post. Shaggy my oldest asked what was I doing? Like such an honest and truthful mom I am I responded "Nothing". Then my second oldest, Rocker looked over my shoulder and asked the very same question. Of course I could not say the exact same thing again so I responded this time with "Don't you boys have something else you could be doing right now?" They both smiled and told me no. Then Shaggy piped up again and explained to Rocker and Drama King that "mommy was making a "blob" just like daddy had said not to." Well I felt like a criminal on the run with the cops bearing down on me sirens blaring and lights flashing. The Holy Spirit was speaking to me through my own kids. I tried to wiggle out of the whole conversation but they were persistent. Shaggy reminded me of all the times I told them to be truthful and not keep secrets. Rocker made sure I knew how much this would make daddy feel sad. Drama King had no idea what was going on but he chimed in as well with "OOOOOH, mommy is blobbing!!!!" This was going nowhere fast.

Boy, was this a big blob or what! So finally Shaggy had one more arrow in his arsenal to shot conviction into my heart for one last deadly blow. He looked at me with his deep brown eyes and said "If you don't tell daddy about your blob I will." Ok, Ok, I got it. I confessed and promised them I would tell daddy that night. The time came and I confessed all to My Knight in Shinning Armour. Of course, he smiled and told me the Lord had already let him know I was blogging and he was just waiting for me to come clean. All of that and he wasn't even mad at me. He laughed hardily because he knew I was squirming for that last few days by not telling him. My kids are happy now and as Shaggy and Rocker let me know "We're proud of you mommy." So I made a big fat blob but I am allowed to continue "blobbing" with every one's forgiveness. Well I thank the Lord for an amazing husband and great kids for helping me, although I am still not convinced I needed all that help. Eventually I would have fessed up.