Depression Hurts....Part II

I only went to college for two years when I was informed by my parents that it was too expensive and I either had to work or go to school near my home. I couldn't stand the thought of returning, leaving my dear friends who had loved me and helped me. I had no choice at the time so I packed up and moved back. I took on a full time job and continued my schooling. I also made the decision to move in with my grandparents hoping it would help.

I was able to escape most of the daily barrage of abuse but the job and school only made me become numb and not really deal with what was truly going on inside. I was at school from 10am-1pm and then had an 3pm-11pm shift at a local nursing home. On top of all this my position was a nurses aide on the intensive care unit. For the 6 months I worked there I witnessed 6 of my patients die and was with 3 of them at their deaths. These events just compiled my grief and sadness.

I was engaged months after I left college and ready to be married. My fiance was a good man, who loved me unconditionally something I had not felt before. Most of my boyfriends were, well to put it bluntly jerks. After only a few months of engagement we moved into together out where we had gone to college. We were not walking with the Lord at the time. Both of us wanted to know God more but only knew of the religious world. No one was happy with us, friends and family alike. I became pregnant and we decided to marry right away. I remember the phone call to my mom. I was cursed out and felt verbally battered. My pregnancy was terrible. I knew no one other then my husband and I wanted this baby. It was made clear every time we visited. I was only 20 years old.

I threw up morning, afternoon and night. I couldn't leave the house much because of how sick I was. This went on for 8 months straight. My depression came back full force. My husband would find me in a dark corner sobbing uncontrollably. He worked two jobs at this time, one from 10am-7pm and then 10pm-4am. To this day it is an absolute miracle that we even made it.

5 months into our first year of marriage and 5 months pregnant I received a phone call at 4am. It was my husband. He had been in a motorcycle accident and I had to rush to the hospital. He was alright but the shock was brutal. Then 2 months later I was awakened in the middle of the night to a sound at our bedroom window. When I turned on the lights I discovered to my shock and horror that a man was breaking in. His face revealed it all; he had no intentions of stealing anything.

I phoned the police quickly and they were able to chase him away. He was never found or captured. I was now 7 months pregnant. For the next year I never slept until my husband came home from work. Thankfully our oldest son came into this world healthy and strong at 10lbs. We moved shortly after his birth helping me to feel somewhat safer. After another year my husband quit the two jobs and found one steady one. With the many blessings also came more set backs.....