It has been 3 months and a week since my Knights motorcycle accident. These are after shots of the bike we had to take for the insurance company. The bike was totaled. It's somewhat hard to see the whole scope of damage from these shots but the frames integrity was completely compromised in the accident. My Knights last doctors appointment was last Monday when he was released from medical care. The doc's say they could not find one shred of evidence his right leg had been broken. The plate and screws will stay but he has regained full use and motion. It is interesting how with his complete healing and recovery I now face my own.
For many of you who do not know about the accident it was a turning point in my families life. I thought through all the miraculous moments and awesome testimony of God's hand in our lives during this time that the accident itself was no biggy. My Knight was snatched from the hand of death and completely restored why should I still be struggling. Then it hit me hard the other day. I heard an ambulance race past our street. I clutched my chest as I felt my heart beating so hard it was going to burst. My mind was flood with memories of the day. The phone call from the ambulance driver as he used my husbands own cell phone to contact me. My trip to the ER with three boys in the van all praying in tongues because we did not know what condition their father was in. I remember walking into the ER as if in a fog something very surreal. There on a backboard and in a neck brace was my husband of 9 years. His clothes tattered and stained with blood. As I looked into his face pale with excruciating pain he whispered "I thought I would never see you again." Days after we waited patiently for a doctors report from his surgery. Then we faced weeks of recovery. I had to wash and dress him because his right leg was immobile. I became the head of our house and the emotional support for three young boys and a temporarily disabled husband.
The Lord was awesome through this whole experience but I convinced myself that because of His amazing hand in our lives the accident was no big deal. The testimony was shared time and again and it's miraculousness was lost to me. It was just another story. Now as I write this, tears well in my eyes and I know it is my time for recovery. I must seek out the Father and receive healing in those areas of my heart that I pushed down or stuffed. I am grateful as of this Feb. I will have the opportunity to celebrate 10 years with my Knight. Thank you Father for one more year and your patience with me while you waited for me to come to you for my healing journey.
5 comments:
Oh, my eyes just filled up with tears. I had no idea of all of this. And truthfully, I am thankful that I get to read it from your perspective and what God is doing in your heart first.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It makes me want to squeeze my husband and thank the Lord over and over again for him.
PS - I just checked out Kris Vallaton's website, I had heard rumor that he was coming to our school! His iternary, shows that he is!! How cool is that?!
I remember finding out about it that day. It affected me greatly, especially until I knew he would survive without life-threatening injury.
You may have had to put off the revelation of how big of a deal this was so that you could function in your many roles during the aftermath. Now that your Knight is back on duty :), it is your turn to heal.
I have been where you are right now - in the aftermath of Baby Blue Eyes' accident. It was all about getting him settled, cared for and on the road to healing at the beginning. And in our case, for a few months after, as he struggled with particular fears and anxieties for a period. Coming to terms with my own need for healing was delayed by several circumstances and my process was unfortunately delayed and also a bit painful - a long story with rabbit trails!
I agree with Hands Free - you did what you had to do to get your family through it. Now that Knight's back on his feet (literally!), you can spend some time on your knees and on your face getting refreshed and whole and healed. I'm praying for you! And one word of advice, if I may? Let Knight "take care" (more than normal, even) of you in this time - he may need it too, after all he's been thru . . .
It is not uncommon for people in the "caregiver" role to delay processing traumatic events until much later. I think it is a coping mechanism that allows us to move forward at the time.
When my dad died, I didn't grieve at the time b/c I was too busy taking care of my mom's mental health and planning a wedding. Eight months later I got married, moved out of my mom's house and cried myself to sleep every night for those first 6 weeks we were married. After everything that had been distracting me was removed/done, the reality of the situation hit my square in the face.
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