The Ups & Downs Of Parenting

There are days when I feel as though I am on a roller coaster with my kids. As a parent you don't always know which way is up and when the track will take another immediate turn. Lately we have been on a new ride with Shaggy. He seems a bit more unpredictable with his emotions and testing his boundaries lately. Don't get me wrong, he's not in total rebellion or anything but it is a difficult stage. One moment things are great and we seem to be all happy and with a blink of an eye he is now mad or upset and refusing to obey. With that of course comes discipline but it still doesn't feel like we are getting any where with this at the moment. We seem to circle the same mountain a couple times in our day.

I have become very good lately at reading the atmosphere of the room before I walk in. Is it time to start up intense prayer or are we in a good state of mind right now? Shaggy is going to be turning 11 in Oct. and so I have been hotly pursuing the feet of Jesus asking what to do. Am I the issue here Lord, is Scott the issue or are we not meeting a need in Shagy's life? What is it? The answer I have been receiving over and over again has surprised me. I guess it shouldn't but it has.

The Lord keeps reminding me of our butterfly's. He shows me this picture of Shaggy tightly bound in a cocoon. He is struggling to get out. Then I heard the Lord say this to me..."You and Scott have raised your sons to become men. You have set your standard high. Shaggy is now wrestling with Me and his identity as a man of Christ. Many young boys struggle with becoming a man but start later in life closer to their late teens. This becomes a problem because they are no longer in a safe environment. Their wrestling now becomes entangled with society and the pressures of life. They have less boundaries and therefor push further than they can at 11 or 12. Shaggy has begun the process, let him struggle. A butterfly who is not allowed to push it's way out of the cocoon will prematurely die. The process of pain in a butterfly's life produces it's beauty."

We have always respected various cultures that have a "coming of age" ceremony for boys. You can pin point a distinct time in their culture when the young man is no longer recognized as a boy and has now transformed into a man. The Jewish culture in particular marks the age 13. At that age the young man goes through his Bar-mitzvah and is recognized into manhood. Scott and I have really felt that 13 will be the age for our boys too. We have told them that on their 13th birthday they will have a special party to celebrate their manhood.

This is why I feel we are going through this with Shaggy. In his spirit he knows the time is coming and he is beginning the process of transformation now.

I know you might be asking what about girls & their "coming of age" issues but I have to defer that point to someone else because we don't have any girls. I can say this, that I just witnessed our neighbors big "Sweet 16" party for their oldest daughter. I remember having my "Sweet 16" party too. We also embrace young women when they get their first period. It can be a joyous occasion for many families. But what do we do for our young me?. At 18 we can send them off to fight for our country but many don't even know if they are a "man" yet.

We have chosen to embrace man-hood here at the Livin' household and celebrate it at 13. I believe because of that decision we are going through some of these rough times now where others may experience later on. So I will continue to ride the ride. I will continue to pray fervently for me boys. Thankfully with an analogy of a roller coaster you know there is an end. You finally shoot through your last loop and wind around your last corner to reach the exit platform. It's not always fun but it's in God's hands. I just got to remember sometimes to sit back and enjoy the ride.

The Mommy Lie- Part Two

Now that you know about the Mommy Lie how do you walk in your calling while raising wee ones and help them step out in their calling? One thing is really taking hold of the truth that you are not going to miss out on what God is doing. I used to hear Pastor Dave (our senior pastor at CCC) give testimonies of how the Lord moving in our region. It was exhilarating to hear the testimonies. I heard people talk about praying and seeing miracles in grocery stores or while walking out in their neighborhoods. Even with the excitement came the condemnation, shame and guilt. I can tell you with 3 under the age of 3 I didn't feel much like praying in stores and the only thing I was focused on while taking walks in my neighborhood was my children not hitting each other or chasing them down the street. I remember once in Walmart with all three boys stuffed in my cart crying I just prayed asking the Lord to send someone to pray for me. Forget praying for someone else at that point.

I felt like I was missing it all and the kids were the cause of it but guess what?! I wasn't. Maybe I wasn't praying for the masses but I was praying for my kids. I was seeing my guys pray for one another. I was hearing them tell me stories about angels visiting them at night. Those my dear ladies are priceless moments!

We started early with the boys teaching them to hear God's voice. Not because I am all that and a bag of chips when it comes to holiness but because of the season of healing the Lord had me in. I knew the boys needed to hear His voice and receive healing also. Unknown to me though it was a perfect way to start them walking in their calling. We talked a lot about God's voice and what it sounds like. We prayed for one another in our house. One minute they were telling me about God's love and then very next minute they were Batman, Superman & Green Lantern defending the universe from some alien planets invassion. You know the Father told me that was OK. We began reading the Bible to them every night. Not dry and bland but dramatic and with flare. They could re-enact what we were reading or I would dramatize it for them. Use your imagination, be creative. Make God real and alive to your kids.

The other thing we did was start incorporating the boys into ministry with us. I know this began when they were a little older but we just didn't want it to be mom and dad go here and you guys go over there. We started ministering as a family in our Children's Ministry. We taught preschool and our kids helped. Even as preschoolers they helped us teach and pray. I know this sounds like a Children's Ministry plug but start ministering where your kiddos are at. You don't have to be there forever but move up through ministry opportunities with your kids.

Take your kids with you. Whenever I was asked to help at church or any where I brought the boys and gave them simple jobs to do to help me. Boys especially like to work and feel needed. Ask the Lord to show you ways in which you can incorporate your children into what you and your family love to do with the Lord. Remember though...don't put a huge expectation on them. They may only do it for 5-10 minutes and then want to play. That's OK. Flow with their attention span.

Also don't be afraid of their age. At 5 our son Rocker heard about a missions trip he wanted to go on. My husband and I thought it was impossible and a bit crazy but not God. At 5 years old Rocker and I went to a closed nation (meaning they do not openly accept Christians) and delivered God's Word. 5 years old!!!! God gave him the desire and the supernatural strength and patience to do it at age 5. He has never been the same. Age has no meaning to the Holy Spirit. Just remember to except their age and when they are done let them be done and roll with it. Working on the Prayer Team at church we have come to understand if we only pray with one person and the kids are done then we are done. I have seen the Lord time and time again move us up to another level with Him as a family. No one is left behind. Just think about it. As you move into more and more of your calling and gifting so do your kids to the point where everyone in your family is being fulfilled in Christ. You just got to love it.

I can't tell you how much I have felt fulfilled and free by grasping on to this truth. I have found peace as a mom. I am not living through my kids but neither am I excluding them from my life. We walk as one. I love the US Army's logo Army of One. I can say with all honesty that as you take hold of the truth that your children are a gift and were given at the perfect time and that you are not missing out on anything then you will begin to walk in such peace and fulfillment. You will see ministry opportunities not only open up for yourself but for you as a family and your children. My sons are 10, 9 & 7 now. These years have flown by. I know in the thick of it, it doesn't feel like these year will be over any time soon but time is fleeting and before you know it you will have ample time to have "your own ministry". Cherish your kids and the ministry you share as a family now. Let go of the Mommy Lie and grab hold of God's truth.

The Mommy Lie- Part One

Matt. 25:21&23

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things."

How many times have I heard this verse used in reference to mommy-hood. Oh my goodness, too many to count. It seems like one of those all-purpose verses we like to stick on every circumstance that comes our way. You know how you have an all-purpose cleaner you can supposedly use to clean everything with but in reality the window cleaner cleans the windows the best and the oven cleaner cleans the oven the best. That's how I have come to feel about his verse. We don't know the real meaning behind the verse so we stick it on everything. It works. Try it. You can say it too your kids when they are struggling with school, you can say it to your spouse regarding work and you can say it to yourself as you raise your children. Even though it has been used in such a manner I don't believe the Holy Spirit really wants it to be so flippantly quoted.

I have heard it said so many times to moms struggling in the early years of child rearing. "If you are faithful in the little things now the Lord will give you so much more." It is being referenced to children. I don't know if it is society, western culture or and the Body at large that gives this impression to moms but it is there. The Mommy Lie consists of us believing our children are our "little" ministry endeavor now and latter the Lord will bless us with a greater ministry. That's just not true.

I used to believe this lie. I had so many people tell me, "Livin, one day you are going to have a powerful ministry. The Lord is going to work mightily through you to reach others. Be patient now as you raise your children your ministry will come." I honestly became bitter towards my children and the Lord for giving them to me. They are interrupting my plans and my ministry opportunities. Now granted I loved my kids but think about it, every time a conference came I couldn't go because of my little kids. Every time their was a ministry opportunity I couldn't do it because of my little kids. Bitterness began to creep into me even with my undying love for my children.

The Lord took many years to knock some sense into me but I finally heard the truth about the Mommy Lie. My kids are the "greater" things not the little. I do believe this verse in Matthew does speak about the Lord giving us small portions of our destinies, giftings and ministries so that we may build on to each level but this has nothing to do with children. I looked this verse forwards and backwards and upside down. This verse does not have anything to do with raising kids.

Your children are your greatest ministry. Think of it this way, what if you had a powerful ministry like Joyce Myers but your children never encountered the Lord? What if you could see miracles and signs and wonders but your children never stepped into their destinies? Would your ministry be fulfilling? My heart and the heart of my husband is to see that each and every person in our family walks in the fullness their destiny. I have found that when I stopped seeing my children as a hindrance to my ministry or calling I found rest. I wasn't rushing through life and I wasn't holding on to bitterness either. Wether you have children or not your calling will make room for you, you don't have to make room for your calling.

I have also found that we now move as a unit. I love and have loved watching my children step into their calling at very young ages. They honestly have taught me more than any preacher or conference could ever have about God.

So next time you hear "Well if you are just faithful in this right now you will be given much" in regards to your kids just tell them "No thank you." Or if you are like me "Just shut-up will you."

Since I wrote a lot today I will share with you tomorrow how to walk in your calling with young ones while training them up to walk in their callings...

Are We Building Trust or Eroding It

Trust is one of those foundational keys to living a healthy life with your spouse, friends, peers, co-workers or just about anyone. It is essential on so many levels. So is it important enough to teach to our kids?

When my boys were little we disciplined them for the basic aspects of their life. We focused on sharing, not lashing out in anger towards others when they didn't get their way and how to honor authority. We taught them not to stick their fingers in electrical outlets and run with scissors. Now we are in a whole new season playing a whole different ball game. We as parents need to impart wisdom to our children so they may not just know what to do but be able to decide themselves between what is right and wrong.

A guest speaker came to our church years ago when the boys were all just toddlers. She was speaking at a women's conference and she made the statement "Rules are made to be broken but no one wants to break someones trust." My kids were way to young to really grasp the full meaning of that statement but I tucked it away in my spirit for later application. With in the last 3 years the Lord has been stirring that truth back up. We have been really applying that revelation to how we deal with the boys. We so focus now on trust and not a bunch of rules in our house. Granted, we do have some laws of the land type of things in our home but not an exhaustive list of rules.

My Knight and I have been very devoted to building trust with the boys. I will frequently say to them "Are you building up my trust with that behavior or are you taring it down?" We have seen some really big breakthroughs with their attitudes and behaviors. It is easier for them to break a rule then to willingly break my trust. In our discipline we will let them know how much that affected our ability to trust them in a certain area. Instead of just counting down the days until the are not grounded any more they constantly ask how they can regain our trust. They seek us out looking for ways to build the trust back up. It has been amazing to watch. They still receive some type of punishment for their actions because we want them to know their actions have consequences. But more then that we constantly impress upon them the importance of trust. Many times I know of something they would like to do and I ask them if their behavior builds trust in me to allow them to do that. I ask them "If I can't trust you to do this do you think I can trust you to do that?" They are always very quick to realize that they need me to be able to trust them.

We also build them up in positive ways and not always wait for discipline opportunities. If we go out and they have great attitudes and behaviors we affirm the trust they built up that night. Any time we have a situation where they met or exceeded our trust we make a point to affirm them in that. You should see how they glow when they receive that affirmation. It's better then Christmas morning.

I guess I share this to encourage others that may be struggling with discipline with older kids. Ask the Lord how you can start building trust or teaching trust in your home. We explain to the boys that this concept is foundational with all relationships. We have shared how it works in our own marriage and friendships my Knight and I have. It honestly has brought more peace into my life as a mother because I can see they are truly thinking about their behavior and attitudes. I can see it isn't just tantrums or fits but they are trying to grasp and understand the larger picture of life. It has also helped my Knight and I by stopping us from being so self focused and more aware of how our actions affect others, are we building trust in one another or taring it down? Just thought I would share that. We have many bumps in the road as parents but I am just so glad God is there giving us His wisdom and love for our children.

Another Family Moment With The Lord

Today at breakfast we had another great moment when we collaborated as a unit with the Lord. I have been praying for the boys that they would have dreams and encounters with the Lord in the night. For the past three weeks now they each have had many dreams with powerful meanings. This morning Shaggy shared with me and Rocker and DK that he had a strange dream last night and wanted to know what it meant.

I asked him if he could share with us at breakfaast and he agreed. This was his dream..."We were at a toy store, I think looking for a toy for me. There were two isles. One bad and one good (I asked him to explain why they were distinctly bad and good). He said one was filled with K'nex toys and some kind of magnetic toys and the other was filled with witchcraft toys, ghosts and stuff. Rocker and he crept on the floor and went over to the bad isle were they saw a box with a skeleton raising someone back to life. They didn't touch it or pick it up but then ran over to the good isle, picked out a K'nex box and took it home to play with. It was a K'nex roller coaster."

So this is where my Knight and I have learned to not interpret or hear from the Lord for our  children but to encourage them to hear and listen for themselves. It's way more powerful when they receive the revelation from God and you can encourage them that they are hearing correctly. So I ask the Lord (out loud) "What do you want Shaggy to know about this dream?" Some things started to come to me immediately but I just bookmarked them and waited on Shaggy. Rocker and DK said they heard too and I asked them kindly to hold on to it until Shaggy gets something.

Shaggy said he heard the Lord tell him that the K'nex side was God's side and the witchcraft side was satan's side. Even though he went over there to look he did not pick up anything on satan's side and came back to God's side. I just kept asking God questions out loud to Shaggy and waiting for a response from him. Then when the Lord seemed to be done with Shaggy I let Rocker share. He heard the Lord saying that it was a warning to be careful to guard ourselves. That was right on too. I heard the Lord say it immediately when Shaggy started to share. DK said satan and his stuff is bad (very cool revelation for a 6 year old!).

So we each continued to talk and build on revelation upon revelation with what the Lord was sharing with each of us. No one person was the interpreter but each of us heard clearly from the Lord and I would just affirm their hearts. In the end the Lord showed us that the K'nex represented the gifts and things of His Kingdom He wanted us to have and that the enemy is right next to us always trying to show us a counterfeit. Our spirits as a family are naturally drawn into the supernatural and we have to guard ourselves from being curious of satan's power. I shared a little of my personal testimony with the boys and seeing satan's power first hand and how it can draw you if you let it. As an encouraging thought I shared that the Lord showed Shaggy he and Rocker just looked at the package, they didn't touch it or buy it and then went back to the other isle. I felt strongly that the Lord was showing them they will not fall into that stuff. Of course then they were able to see they got a better toy or should I say gift. They got the K'nex roller coaster. Talk about God taking them for a awesome ride in their life.

Well, a long and wordy post about how we roll in the spirit. Next time your kids ask you about a question regarding the Lord ask the Lord out loud the question and direct it back to them. Encourage them to listen for the answer. Help when they need some guidance but allow them to hear the voice of God. It is an amazing thing to witness. 

I am sure there is more to this dream. I will probably pray about this some more and talk to my Knight about it but for now the Lord revealed what He wanted to, to Shaggy. God is good!