Are We Building Trust or Eroding It

Trust is one of those foundational keys to living a healthy life with your spouse, friends, peers, co-workers or just about anyone. It is essential on so many levels. So is it important enough to teach to our kids?

When my boys were little we disciplined them for the basic aspects of their life. We focused on sharing, not lashing out in anger towards others when they didn't get their way and how to honor authority. We taught them not to stick their fingers in electrical outlets and run with scissors. Now we are in a whole new season playing a whole different ball game. We as parents need to impart wisdom to our children so they may not just know what to do but be able to decide themselves between what is right and wrong.

A guest speaker came to our church years ago when the boys were all just toddlers. She was speaking at a women's conference and she made the statement "Rules are made to be broken but no one wants to break someones trust." My kids were way to young to really grasp the full meaning of that statement but I tucked it away in my spirit for later application. With in the last 3 years the Lord has been stirring that truth back up. We have been really applying that revelation to how we deal with the boys. We so focus now on trust and not a bunch of rules in our house. Granted, we do have some laws of the land type of things in our home but not an exhaustive list of rules.

My Knight and I have been very devoted to building trust with the boys. I will frequently say to them "Are you building up my trust with that behavior or are you taring it down?" We have seen some really big breakthroughs with their attitudes and behaviors. It is easier for them to break a rule then to willingly break my trust. In our discipline we will let them know how much that affected our ability to trust them in a certain area. Instead of just counting down the days until the are not grounded any more they constantly ask how they can regain our trust. They seek us out looking for ways to build the trust back up. It has been amazing to watch. They still receive some type of punishment for their actions because we want them to know their actions have consequences. But more then that we constantly impress upon them the importance of trust. Many times I know of something they would like to do and I ask them if their behavior builds trust in me to allow them to do that. I ask them "If I can't trust you to do this do you think I can trust you to do that?" They are always very quick to realize that they need me to be able to trust them.

We also build them up in positive ways and not always wait for discipline opportunities. If we go out and they have great attitudes and behaviors we affirm the trust they built up that night. Any time we have a situation where they met or exceeded our trust we make a point to affirm them in that. You should see how they glow when they receive that affirmation. It's better then Christmas morning.

I guess I share this to encourage others that may be struggling with discipline with older kids. Ask the Lord how you can start building trust or teaching trust in your home. We explain to the boys that this concept is foundational with all relationships. We have shared how it works in our own marriage and friendships my Knight and I have. It honestly has brought more peace into my life as a mother because I can see they are truly thinking about their behavior and attitudes. I can see it isn't just tantrums or fits but they are trying to grasp and understand the larger picture of life. It has also helped my Knight and I by stopping us from being so self focused and more aware of how our actions affect others, are we building trust in one another or taring it down? Just thought I would share that. We have many bumps in the road as parents but I am just so glad God is there giving us His wisdom and love for our children.