The End of a Battle, Beginning of a New Journey

We got a call back from one of the Pastors who was also a dear friend of ours at our church. He told my husband to bring me in right away. He wanted to start Healing Prayer Ministry with me. This was the hand of God ripping open my prison doors. Through this process you are prayed with and then the Lord is allowed to minister directly to the pain and lies. No counseling just one on one with the Lord.

The next year I fought for my life, with the Lord right at my side. I could not except that He would heal those with physical infirmities but not the broken hearted. At one point secular and Christian counselors told us I would never really get complete healing. My family, doctors and others suggested not to have any more children. I was not fit as a mother and this would only throw me backwards into more depression. Out of fear and sadness we listened to this counsel and ended our ability to have more children.

I wasn't going to accept the idea I would always be held by depression. They said it would take years but I refused and held on to the Lord for hope in months. We continued ministry through our church and began to see the breakthrough. My husband and I battled for every inch of healing. I went once a week for 4 months straight. I was put on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills. I did not go against my doctor but worked with them. Every time I felt we made progress I would ask the doctor to back off my medicine. Slowly but surely after a year long process I was medication free. We were truly seeing the Light at the end of a very dark and very long tunnel, this healing process was not easy. I had to face dark shadows of my past to overcome their grip on my life. The Father was there with His arms open and healing just poured from His heart. I had good days and bad. More and more people began to know about my struggles. Some rejected me, some embraced me. I do not get mad or angry at those who rejected me. Actually through this healing process I learned true forgiveness and have become great friends with those who once did not understand. Our God is a redeeming God. I am free now.

I have had no medication for 4 years and have not had the black cloud hang over me since. I feel truly free. My journey was tough but I now know the true God, His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. If not for my struggles I may have never encountered the Lord in this powerful way.

I have forgiven my family and I know that they themselves felt the cruel hand of abuse. That is why this vicious cycle continued on. But not anymore! My children do not face this in their lives. They watched as their mother transformed before them. We did not keep my struggles with the children a secret, but allowed them to be a vital part of my healing. Many times as small children my boys would minister to me. I remember one time vividly where I was in the heat of the battle and I just didn't want to continue my healing. I fell to the floor crying. As I sat with my face in my lap I felt little hands on my back. Through my tears I saw my two older boys praying for me. They were only 4 and 5 years old at this time. My oldest said "Mommy Jesus said you can do a do over. Just wipe it clean and start all over. He is here." How amazing is that!!! Time and time again all three poured something into my life. I feel as though we are stronger because of this.

I don't know why I was brought through this mess in the early years of my life but I no longer care to know. All I know is that I would never give up what I have now with my boys, my husband or with the Lord. I believe I will see redemption in my extended family one day and I pray for their own freedom!!!

What once was broken is now whole,
what once cowered in shadows,
now abides in the warmth of the SONs soul.

The prison walls crumbled,
beuatiful meadows now bloom.
The Father has returned
to reunite His bride with her Groom.