I love my Shaggy so much but I am headed into uncharted territory. He turns 10 very shortly and I can begin to see a change in my son. Not horrible or rebellious but a maturity and a desire to become a man. It is such a struggle for him. You can see those moments of youth explode out of him as he plays with his brothers and friends but there are also those moments when he rises up to be a "man". I am having to choose my battles wisely with him because I don't want to squash this individuation that is taking place. Along with that I am also his mama and sometimes on the rare occasion mama is right. So we pray and pray and pray about how to raise this young man of God. He is such a good boy and has a great heart and love for God and others, I just don't want to hinder him but at the same time I want to guide him.I want him to have wisdom and learn discernment and not memorize a list of rules to follow. Like Rachel Hickson said at a conference a while ago "Rules will be broken, but people don't want to let others trust down." It isn't as simple as telling them no, to putting their finger or other objects in electrical sockets or teaching them to not lash out in anger and bite other children. There is so much more to this world they live in. I also don't want my boys to live off of my Spiritual fumes. They need their own filling and understanding of why they believe in God. So on top of all the other wisdom we are trying to impart and pray for, we are also answering many of their questions with questions. Shaggy and I watched a Discovery Channel program the other day about Exodus and Moses. The program was very interesting even if they missed the mark a few times. The best thing though was Shaggy began asking me what I thought and I turned it right back to him. I asked him what does it say in the Bible? Do you believe that? Why? I might not agree with all his thoughts but he was thinking and thinking on his own. Many times we would look it up together in the Bible and find we were both wrong but it was getting him to realize he needs to know in his heart and not just take my beliefs as his own.
So we are still trying to wade through all of this new territory. Some days we succeed with great victory and other times we crash and burn, but we keep going. I am just thankful that many times the Father works in spite of me and not always because of me. If any of you that have pre-teens out there have any good resources to recommend I would love to hear them. The only resource I would not recommend is James Dobsons Bringing Up Boys. There are many, many things in that book that I personally don't agree with and go against many of the personal convictions I have about the Lord. Anyway, that's a totally different post but if you know of any other great books or suggestions please feel free to comment. The day I stop learning is the day I no longer live.
7 comments:
:)Just change all the "boy" words to girl and we're in the same boat.
I've been wanting to get the book "No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps: Raising Secure and Assertive Children in a Tough World" by Paul Coughlin but I keep forgetting to order it. He wrote the book "No More Christian Nice Guy" (Shawn actually read it!) and it seemed pretty good. Not endorsing the Jellyfish one, just throwing it out as a thought.
No books here just curious what others said. I'm still a few years away and still relate to what you've said.
Your boys are blessed with such awesome parents!
You and your Knight are better then any book out there (maybe YOU should write one). You both seek after God first and your kids will catch that no matter how old they are. I only have "girl" experience, but I'm finding that this age is the age of contradictions...I'm a child, I'm a teen, I'm sad, I'm happy, I want to pray for people, I'm afraid to pray for people.
I liked what you said about not wanting them to survive on your fumes. Sometimes, it is only your prayers that will help guide them, but many times it will be their own desire to live a life pleasing to God that guides them. Keep up the good work with them and don't grow weary! God's Word never returns void!
Okay, so now I'm curious about why you don't recommend BUB by Dobson. You HAVE to post a review!
We're in the thick of this with two of ours right now, and I always say the same things: show me your heart of obedience first, then we can talk about how we could be or should be flexing the rules and boundaries. To me, it all comes down to submission of the heart, to God, to us and to the sibs.
That being said, honoring their individual wiring is very, very hard. A full time research project :)
I'm also here just checking out the suggestions for future reference.
I really liked the honesty in this post. It's almost as if the whole post is just your prayer... not the religious type, of course, but just the pouring out of your heart.
Dear Livn' Life, I have nominated you for the "I Love Your Blog" Award. Check out my latest post. Have a fantastic God-day!
Oh, my. I was in shock, too, when I realized that my Mini-Me was going to be a pre-teen. *Sigh* Considered a pre-teen at 9?? And then she's going to be 10? Ack. Then my brain started to panic - have I prepared her for everthing??
You're probably doing the best thing ever. I was disappointed with Bringing up Boys. I gleaned a few things from it - but it didn't really help me. The book that did help the best was John Eldredge's book - "Wild at Heart". I've got "Preparing your son for Every man's battle" but haven't read it yet.
Good luck! Happy learning and reading.
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