So here I go. 5 more days until all 3 boys are in full day school. Am I excited, elated or sad? Actually neither. I am just unsure of what this is going to look like. Let me explain, I am sort of going through an identity crisis. See for the past 10 years of my marriage I have been pregnant or with toddlers. For the first time in a long time it will just be me. Before I was married I was a student at college. I didn't have a career or a job that really defined me either. So here I am now. Who am I?
My identity has been placed in my mothering skills for so long, it's hard to separate myself from that. I don't want to live my life through my kids so this is a good thing for me just not easy. My Knight wants me to take an entire year off from deciding what I should do instead of just jumping into anything, but staying home for no reason is hard too. I am not a homeschooling mom, I don't work out of my home so I feel judged by some for choosing not to work at this time. We could really use the extra money but my Knight is determined that I spend a year with the Lord first before moving forward. I know my kids will still need me and the call of a mom is never over but I now I need to do some soul searching. I have come to the realization that my identity has been founded in what I can do, my roles in life and not who God has called me to be. My Knight is an amazing man of God and would let me do whatever I wanted, if it was going back to school, working or just staying home but he wants me to do the things that give me "Life".
On August 25th 2008 I will begin a new leg of my journey. I guess to many this is no big deal but for me it is. I really look forward to this time which adds to my guilt(does that mean I am a bad mother) and yet I am apprehensive because I have never done this before. It's never been just me.
Here's the fun part, why don't you give me some great ideas to do while I am at home discovering the real me. Let me know what you would do with 6 hours of no kids and maybe I might just take your advise. For right now the count down continues and the days click by.
5 comments:
I know that this is a divinely appointed time for you. Try to look at it as a gift given to you by your Heavenly Father. Sure, it's a gift that not many will understand, but soemtimes personal gifts are like that, aren't they? I also know that God will reveal to you what He has for you in this season so that you're not just doing things that take up time, but rather doing the right things.
I would do a lot of things... probably declutter the house, including the attic and garage. I also would do a lot more baking, and maybe become more adventurous in cooking as well. I also enjoy painting, so I probably would paint a couple rooms in my house, the porch railings, and maybe stain some furniture. I would do all the shopping, errands and a lot of cooking prep during the day, so that I would be more fully available to my kids when they were home.
Alas, my youngest is not going to school yet, but I'm heading into work/school and then full-time work, so I won't have much chance to do any of these things!
But for you... you could work on your loom some more, finish painting the flag in your dining room (or whatever that room is now). I know that won't take very long, but I'm sure you'll find ways to tap into your creative side :)
No ideas at the moment but I agree with classic mama. God will show you what the plan is for this season.
If my math is right, I have 370 days until I start asking some of the same questions although I don't think I'd ask anyone for any ideas - I somehow get involved in things all by myself and people seem to find me. I've had to start saying no or put up the stop sign so I don't burn out.
You know, I was just thinking about this. Come Sept. 2nd, this will be the first time I've been alone in the house on a regular basis for 14 years. At least till Aidan comes home, that is. I've always, always, always had at least one hanging out with me during the day.
I share your uncertainty. I know mine is for a far shorter time than what you are facing, but I am still not sure what to do with myself in the "in between" hours before Aidan comes home . . .
The last time I had consistant time alone at home was before my boys were born. I was working part-time in nursing, so I had a few days to myself alone. Unfortunately, my relationship with Jesus at that time was, let's say, not as passionate. I didn't realize the gift that He had placed in my lap.
Girl, what an awesome opportunity to be with Jesus to know Him more and to learn about why He love you so very much!!!
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