I am going through this season of supposedly rest but I am exhausted. It just doesn't seem like I am getting enough rest or sleep at night, I don't know. A lot has to do with this season of transition we are going through as a family. My Knights new schedule at work is hard to adjust too, all three kids are in school which has increased my time at school (and to think I waited all these years for a break) and even though church events are less I have really been pouring more of myself out then ever before just onto my family. I had this crazy idea that toddler and preschool years were the hard draining years but now I am hit with the realization the older they get the harder it is. Now they just don't depend on me for their physical needs as much but the emotional and spiritual drain is quite overwhelming at times.
I am glad in many ways that I have gotten so much healing I can be this pillar now in our family instead of the one draining everyone but I have a new lesson to learn. How in the world do you rest as a mom? Where do you go? What do you do?
Today I feel stretched to the point of being pulled apart. It has been weeks of no breaks, no place of rest. My Knights job situation has been so stressful that I have taken a back seat to meeting any of my own needs. I know it's been terribly hard on him and us so I have let things go but I can feel the toll it's now taking on me. So what do I do? Lately my Knight has been going fishing early in the morning to escape and retreat. He comes back refreshed and ready but I am still here trying not to rip anyones head off. He told me last night it takes a sacrifice for him to go fishing because he is willing to get up at 6am before our day is in full swing. I understand his thought process but what the heck am I supposed to do at 6am. I used to fly fish and do enjoy fishing but I don't go out by myself for personal protection reasons (note here that my Knight would never let me go by myself) and just common sense for us girls.
I have been getting some amazing time with the Lord but I am great need of just not being needed for a few hours. I finally broke down Sunday afternoon and asked my Knight to make dinner. He kept asking me what I wanted and honestly I told him I didn't even want to have to think just go do something. That's where I am right now. I want a place to rest. I want to not be needed for a few hours and possibly not even be at home where I am constantly reminded of the needs. So I ask all of you moms out there have you been here before or maybe you are here like me right now? Any suggestions? We don't have extra money to spend and not many childcare opportunities so any creative things anyone has done to just get some solitude would be appreciated? Let me know. This week is jammed packed again with things that we have to get through and it will probably be another week or two before things let up but I just need a break. I need to find some place rest my weary mind, body and soul. I would love to find that bed in the picture and crawl into it for a few hours. It looks like it's deep in a forest somewhere the pressing needs of the day couldn't find me. Has anyone else felt this before?
6 comments:
I know I have....
But somehow - I press myself to reassure myself of the promises and faithfulness of the Lord.
as Paul said...I will press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me....
That bed does look full of rest though. :)
Yes, yes, and again yes. I thought that once you're kids were grown then life would become quiet and peaceful. Wrong!
I beleive it is really the times we live in. The Kingdom of God is advancing in leaps and bounds and life is coming at us faster than our minds and bodies can catch it at times.
There are no tricks except that you must put some "down" time in your schedule. There will always be things to do, but if you are not able to come to peace and rest, even for short intervals in a week, you will become weak. (pun intended)
Perhaps it is to take 1 hour, two or three times a week, right before the kids come home from school and hubby comes home for dinner. Do whatever brings you to peace and rest (even if it is a nap, or put on some worship music, or even a good book in your favorite chair) but be purposeful in resting, a restorative rest. And hey, if you need a night or afternoon out, we can take the boys for awhile!
Both of these posters have good suggestions. I would add only that you have to jealously guard your family calendar. Not all good things are God things, the quote goes. It's a cliche, but when applied to what we allow to go on our daily agenda or family calendar, can be a life-saver.
If you have an empty house during the day, then guard the night time activities. For a general example.
Chances are, if you are feeling this pressed and stressed by the demands of your life and your requirements, then your family is or will be also.
That's one beautiful thing that has come out of this year that we've brought Li'l Empress home: we stripped away ALL non-essential obligations for the first 6 months and have been very, very choosey about what to allow through for the remaining 6 months of her first year. It's not been easy to learn to say no but it's becoming a habit I love!!!! ;)
I hear you. I'm tired times ten. But, honestly, I cannot "plan" even some time away to myself! I just try to go to bed early...that's my treat!
Yes, I understand! My best and most favorite retreat is getting out of the house to pray, sing, dance, whatever, the Lord leads. P. Steve has opened up the sanctuary at Hillside to me, and I find that being alone there is almost heaven.
When that's not possible, well, I'm with Melissa, I go to bed early. That is after a nice, hot, soaking bath!
I've been thinking about you since you posted this.
The answer is simply yes.
For instance, yesterday I didn't want to be touched by the neediest of children yesterday....mainly because all she wanted was to boss me around. *L* There was no love. Just need.
I've also had what you describe in a stronger situation. I got to thinking about what it was that helped me.
I can take naps. I can work on something for me. The Professor will give me time if I ask for it. But it's a sacrifice for him.
Then I realized that the ultimate solution for me has always been soaking up the presence of God. Yes -- fun time for me is essential...but the clincher is Holy Spirit. Is there someway you can just go where the Holy Spirit is and just soak??
I pray that all strivings cease and that Peace increases in your house!
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