`I am a very transparent person and so my posts can become very raw and real at times. For me that's just how I roll. Nothing much hidden. So I have been contemplating in sharing my struggles this week as a parent. I then came to a sense of peace that maybe some mom out there might relate or connect with what I went through this week. If not maybe a young mom out there will be encouraged to know that even when walking with the Lord you can go through difficult situations with your kids. Godly parenting is not about avoiding difficult times with your kids it's about learning how you traverse your way through the deep dark crevasses of life with the Lord as your guide.
This past weekend took a toll on our whole family. Things were triggered inside all of us that brought to the surface a lot of pain. Scott and I were so weary at that point that we honestly weren't keeping tabs with the boys emotional status. We were just trying to keep ourselves afloat. Monday afternoon Shaggy was slated for a hair cut. He hasn't had one in at least 4 months. We talked about how long his hair could be but I made the last minuted decision of cutting 2 inches off so he could start growing it back in, in a more healthy state.
Well, I just created the spark that set off the emotional explosion. I handled the outcome very badly and had no patience at all. There was no grace, there was no mercy. Scott and I also did not see the signs that more things were going on in Shaggy then a bad hair cut. So needless to say Monday stunk and then we went to bed mad at each other.
Tuesday morning proved to be worst. Feelings were still raw and we all felt the exhaustion of the weekend. Words were spoken, feelings were hurt and then Shaggy reacted to the moment...he ran away. Not much worse than the feeling that your child just bolted and you don't know where he is. I felt afraid and angry and sad and everything a mother could possibly feel in one single moment. We did find him fairly quickly but even that didn't go well.
After so more exchange of words we were able to get Shaggy to go to school and he seemed to calm down there. During that time I just sat and prayed and talked to God. I began to see the larger picture. Shaggy was triggered by the events of the weekend. The hair cut actually played into that situation too and whamo, we now have the explosive situation that took place in the morning.
So what to do? As a parent we really screwed things up. We reacted instead of responding. We exploded instead of loving. I remember thinking, "I totally blew it. Can God really redeem this and turn it into something for our good?" The answer came quickly and clearly "Yes I can!" With that I began praying for Shaggy and also the other two boys. They experienced the whole thing so I know they were feeling the pain of it all too. Later that night we sat and talked to Shaggy.
We began processing the events and he began to see the larger picture. He acknowledged the fact that pain drove him to run away. We began asking each other for forgiveness and allowed healing to return to our home. Things are better today. Shaggy is processing more and more about what exactly happened and so are we.
We now need to pray about a healthy way for Shaggy to retreat when he feels overwhelmed. Scott and I realized growing up on farms we retreated to our dirt bikes or horses to help us find a quiet space to process our feelings. Shaggy does not have that here in town so we need to find a creative way to help him find "his own space". At 11 I know he needs a place to go where he can internalize what's going on and a place to call his own. Shaggy is great about sharing his feelings but he always needs some quiet time first. Once he has that he can easily articulate to us all that he feels. If we try to push him to quickly he just shuts down.
I have been processing the feelings of failure and shame I feel from Shaggy's experience on Tuesday. The Lord has brought so much good through this bad situation. Parenting is one of the most difficult things to do in life. It isn't easy at all but very rewarding. I am a parent not because I get anything out of it. If that were the case I probably wouldn't have kids. I am a parent because God gave me three amazing gifts and I love them so much. The journey through parenting is tough. It isn't for the faint of heart but if you press through the pain, storms and difficulties of parenting you can find real joy in it all. That's what I discovered this week. I failed, Scott failed but I know God never does. He came down and redeemed our situation. He restored love, peace and joy back into our house and even taught us all a few things.
Even if you feel like your not a good parent or you don't have what it takes remember that God is all we need. He actually created us as parents not to have all the answers or do it perfect all the time, that way our kids realize the importance of our dependence on Him and Him alone.
Well, I guess that's all I have to say about that. Today is a new day, I will be glad and rejoice in it.
After my Knights motorcycle accident 2 1/2 years ago we both said the only way we would get another bike is if the Lord gave us one. Yes, we were open to riding again even after my Knights 8 week recovery and a steel plate in his knee. See it's just something in you. My Knight and my three boys have a bit of wildness in them. They are all rough, rugged, outdoor, wild men. My Knight grew up with motorcycles and has ridden since he was 8. I used to ride dirt bikes when I was 8 or so. It's in our blood.
As you can see we called the owners up and said yes. Scott is happier than a clam. He loves to work on things mechanically and he loves bikes so restoring this bike maybe something he really needs right now to help with stress.
It runs but Scott is already taring it down, cleaning carbs and flushing lines. I get to repaint it!:-)
So there you have. Sometimes when you ask God for a sign he might really, actually give you a sign!
