It just seems like yesterday my house was full of laughter and tears and diapers and sippy cups. I have enjoyed some of the freedom it allows me but I sit here today listening to the hum of my computer, I hear the train rattling by on the tracks right outside our home and the wind beats against the window panes. I know this is a season the Lord has me in and I don't want to wish it away and miss what He is showing me but I also struggle with it at times. I no longer have sleepless nights. I don't feel the drain of toddlers or infants but I stand at the precipise of another level of parenting. It is the beginning of letting go. I now must intrust my littles (who are not so little any more) to the hands of the Father. I wonder did I do enough, did I say enough? I know only the Lord can fill in the blanks that I or my husband my have left for them.
So I guess I say all this to encourage those of you with little ones in your midst. I was a mom rushing to get to the next stage in hopes of finding myself or something I guess. I did enjoy the time and have so many great memories with my kids but from someone who is now here looking back whatever I was searching for has alluded me once more. Don't always look ahead inlife so you miss what's happening right under your nose. I can honestly say sitting in this abandoned home, quiet and calm I miss the craziness of it all. I miss the voices and the giggles. I miss at times being needed and wanted. I am glad to have had those times and the abilitiy to be such a huge part of their early years. It just makes me realize how precious life is. I want to enjoy this next level of parenting too. I don't want to rush but take my time. I look forward to what God has for me today instead of always wishing for tomorrow.
From Kongfu Panda
"Yesterday is history and the future is a mystery. Today is a gift that's why they call it the present."
4 comments:
Having been called to home educate my sons, I have yet to experience extended times apart. Of course, although my older son, who will be 20 year fall, is away from home quite a bit with college, I still have Fire to keep me occupied. I'm not sure how I will handle an "empty nest" other than go back to work. Two more years to go before Fire graduates...the future IS a mystery. I loved the Kung Fu Panda movie.
I can really feel what you were saying in all of this. Being in the midst right now of what you were talking about, I really took it to heart. I spend many a day feeling like I'm going bonkers and anticipating the next phase, but what you've said has really made me re-evaulate and re-appreciate. Yeah... With that, I will be praying for you that during this season in your life, you will experience PEACE and JOY and REST and LAUGHTER before the new season and gift arrives.
That is one of my favorite quotes! I got all teary-eyed in the movie when that part was on! Thanks for the reminder.
I think part of me going to work was to help soften the blow of missing them all day...and, the paycheck is nice, too!
So funny b/c as I read your post I have "I'm letting go" playing in the background. ;)
Here's to your embracing this next season.
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