Working Through My Disillusionment About The Church

Disillusionment...what it is and why am I sifting through it? Well, this book has had a profound impact on me about my disillusionment with the church. Yes, I said it and even printed it out. I have been battling my disillusionment with the church at large. Not one particular body of believers or building but church in general.

So what does disillusionment mean? Try this out for size...

disillusionment (countable and uncountable; plural disillusionments)

1. A feeling that arises from the discovery that something is not what it was anticipated to be, commonly held to be stronger than disappointment especially when a belief central to one’s identity is shown to be false. (taken from the online Websters Dictionary)

For years I have struggled with this not knowing exactly why the church bothered me. Maybe because I grew up in and out of multiple churches until I was 12 and then my family stopped attending any church? Maybe it was because of the unusual past I grew up with? Maybe because some of the most heinous offenses of my past came from supposedly good Christians from church? I don't know but for a long time the word church made me cringe. I even remember distinctly in high school one of my friends asked me if I was "one of those people" referring to someone from church, even asking me if I was a Christian and I abruptly responded "No"! It wasn't that I didn't believe in God or that I did not want to be a Christian but those words represented dead, religious organizations and those in them who were just here to judge the world before Jesus return.

Unfortunately I have stumbled again across more of my own disillusionment about church in recent years. When my husband and I became believers and found a church to become a part of I very quickly began to see the dark side of church once more. What I thought would be a place of love and acceptance quickly became a place of masks and judgments. My heart just yearned for something real and authentic. Don't tell me about love, show me. Don't tell me you have it all together let me know you struggled and can still run the race. Don't give me programs or activities, give me relationships.

My director overseeing my internship at TTWM suggested that I needed to read this book "Dear Church: Letters from a Disillusioned Generation". It has been a powerful, thought provoking book in my life. It is really helping me to reexamine church, my heart and help me to wade through many of my own frustrations to find Christ's true mission and what church was created to be. It has also made me realize I am not alone in my feelings and that our generation is going to help usher in the emerging church of this time.

I realize now that I am not too get frustrated about all that is happening in and around the church and then just abandon it but that I am called to pray, fast and stand for the Body to become the church Jesus desired her to be. It isn't always pretty folks. I know deep in my heart there is something more that the Body of Christ is called to be and God will get us there. If I truly believe He can do "all things" than I should stop doubting that He can make His Bride spotless and beautiful. Maybe I am called to be a part of that transformation.

If any of you struggle with this area I would highly, HIGHLY recommend reading this book. After reading spend time with the Lord and ask Him to help you sift through your own experiences with the church at large. I will guarantee you many of those times the church hurt you or let you down that Jesus was not there personally doing that. Many times if not every time He was there grieving as much as you were.

I have a bit more soul searching to do on this topic. I am not quite there yet. I constantly get frustrated and stirred by the church but I want to be in a position to help Jesus Bride not stumble her any more. I publicly repent now for the times I have spoken against the church and Body at large because of my frustrations. I was wrong and know that I was not only speaking against the Body of Christ but Christ Himself when I put the church down.

It still may take some time before we see transformation happen but I so desire to see it through. I am determined to work through my disillusionment and find God's true perspective on this issue, no matter how many times I have to go before Him about this.

Seriously, pick up a copy of this book. It is really good!!