I Like These Older Years

I have enjoyed every stage of my kids but with 3 boys all within a 15 month- 2 year span things got very crazy at times. Now things are a little more quiet and settled. This morning I awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. My alarm had not gone off yet and my husband was not back from the gym so were was this coming from?

As I followed the sweet aroma of brewing coffee I found Shaggy in the kitchen. Here he was making coffee for his mama this morning. AWWWWW! It just melted my heart! I love having older kids. It's the best. I miss my babies but there is something special when they are old enough to really show their love for you. It blessed me so much this morning. What a guy!!!

I Struggle With Crying...

I really do. I cry at home with my kids or husband but only after there has been a pent up burst that flows from deep inside. Around others I am not able to release it. I was taken back by how so many women were touched by the Divine Connection at our Church last Friday. I too participated and then ministered. I was touched by the Father and blessed by His love but still no tears. As I looked around the room I noticed so many connecting with their emotions. Why wasn't I?

I have not been able too for years. Growing up you weren't aloud to cry. If things were bad enough you could tear up and cry some but not for long. At funerals you were told to stop crying because the person is gone and you don't have any reason to mourn. When the police came to my uncle's trailer to tell us my cousin was murdered my father told me I needed to hold it together and go pick up my family. I drove around NJ that afternoon numb to every emotion and feeling just doing what I was told to do. Now I pay the price. I have felt the Lord move powerfully in my life and I have had the tears flow but I feel as though there is more and I cannot connect with it. It's hard to be in a room with others crying. I feel uncomfortable and wish I could connect as easily as they do.

So what do I do? I pray and ask God to heal me. It has been many years of praying for release. I am still not there. So does that mean I didn't get as much out of the Divine Connection as others because of my stoic expression? No, the Lord affirmed me I did, He is just still working in and through me. I continue to pray and know one day the dam will be released and all those years will come pouring out. Knowing how the Lord works it will probably come when I least expect it and in a situation where I would least want it to happen. But it will come. Just some things that have been on my heart lately in the midst of the craziness.

Crazy Days

Lets see...

I had to get ready for Shaggy's birthday this week.

I knocked a squirrel unconscious yesterday throwing out my recyclables.(I will post on that tomorrow)

I had lunch with some girlfriends this week! :)

I have a sick husband. :(

We had our furnace overhauled yesterday for 4 hours.

I have a haircut and color today. Yippee!!!! I am looking a little shaggy myself.

I have to sign the boys out of school early tomorrow and go through the whole "No we are not Jehovah Witnesses. We just don't celebrate Halloween...yada, yada, yada." They stare at me like I am the worst mom on the planet because my kids don't participate in their darn Halloween Parade and parties.

We are going out for the Streets Ministry again this Sat (if anyone wants to join us).

I am also trying to get the weaving project done for MIA in time for the Christmas Coffeehouse.

I have also been bogged down by the everyday occurrences of laundry, meals, cleaning and homework.

So I haven't posted too regularly lately. I am just trying to keep up with life. For some reason even with stepping down out of ministry obligations for a while things are still crazy. I guess my only chance of truly leaving it all behind would be to go to a deserted island.

10 Years Ago....

Ten years ago we started the parenthood journey with our first son

Shaggy. It has been amazing. A journey full of laughter, tears,

joy and pain. Shaggy turns 10 today so in celebration of

his life I put some photo's on my blog of him through 

the years. Happy Birthday my Love!

Doing Something Girly!!!

I had a dear friend give me a treat about a week or so ago. She gave me nail polish and a bunch of other nail polish related bottles. Actually I was surprised because I only use one bottle of color. I didn't know there was an actual process for doing your nails. So I took some time this morning to treat myself to painting my toe nails. My finger nails are not worthy of polish.

So does anyone know what the stick is for. 

I actually don't know but used it any way.

 I have no idea if I used it right but it was fun. 

I will have to get her to give me a lesson next time.

My poor pitiful piggies. I think they look a little

stumpy in this picture don't they. :)

After chipping off the 5 layers of old polish I used each bottle,

hopefully in the correct order. The end result. Not too bad eh!

It was so much fun to do something girly again. By the way if you know

what that stick is called or what is used for let me know. 

My boys are using it for a 

weapon for their Star Wars figures now. It's

fun to be a girl sometimes!

Having A Mom Moment

It's one of those times when you feel discouraged and down about your parenting abilities. I know most of the time God works in spite of me and not because of me but I am having one of those moments. Shaggy is struggling with his pre-teen angst. DK is over the top this week with his dramatics and Rocker is struggling because he feels neglected. Oh, boy! This Friday two guys are coming over in the evening to interview the boys for a documentary about kids seeing angels. Although that's great I feel discouraged. One instant we are walking the streets of Harrisburg praying for the sick and the lost and the next minute we are dealing with attitudes. One minute they are telling us about the angles and supernatural things they see and then the next moment we are breaking up an all out WWF match in the boys room. Is this all normal? Did even the great men and women of God from years gone by give their parents lip?

My Knight shared with me that this is normal and it's life. He asked me do I always have it all together? Do I struggle? Of course I said yes but I guess as a mom I take this stuff as a reflection of me instead of realizing that these three young men in my house are now making decisions on their own. The days of just telling them what to do are gone and now it is the process of showing them that their decisions have consequences whether good or bad. They also need to determine their own beliefs and thoughts. So I see the larger picture and the Lord's hand through all of this but it is still hard in the midst of it. I don't want my boys to make the same bad choices I did or to have to carry their pain with them for the rest of their lives but I also can't do it for them. I guess this is my realization that I can no longer carry them any more. They need to walk on their own and even fall a few times to learn how to run. So there you have it. Again the good the bad and the ugly at the Livin' household. So very far from perfect but so very close to the Lord. Now I need some comfort food and coffee and praise music.

After thought... if we do make it through all this I think I am going to write a book about parenting. I will call it "If I Could Do IT So Can You". It will be about how God worked through us and not about our wonderful parenting skills or anything. I am ready for a book like that right now. Don't give me strategies just give me testimonies.

A Few Simple Truths

I realize more and more I get stuck on the idea that God needs to come into my life as a raging inferno to burn away the stuff I tend to get hung up on, when lots of times He just wants to speak a few simple truths. This week I had to meet with someone I have been struggling with for a couple of weeks now. I say struggle but I do admit I have thrown a few temper tantrums with the Lord about this person because of the way I perceived they were treating me. Let me emphasize my perception because I have been known to be wrong from time to time. Don't worry it isn't anyone in the blogging community.

Well I knew I had to be with them this week and I knew if the Father didn't do something about my attitude it would get ugly. So I prayed "Lord do something with my attitude please. What do you want me to know about this situation?" I stood there in my house waiting for this huge revelation and spiritual over hall, when all of a sudden I just heard the Lord speak a few simple truths. I thought to myself  "Is that it? Are you sure that's all? Won't I still get mad and upset?" I felt the Father smiling on me and laughing a bit. After standing there perplexed for a few minutes I headed out to meet up with this person very sure I was still going to get stirred up. I thought this couldn't have helped me. I needed tears and an earthquake and fire because of how much I had been struggling but none of that happened.

Then it happened. I met with the person and all was peaceful. I was amazed. I even tried to stir things up in my heart to test it out to see if I was healed and truly at peace with this. There was nothing there. We had a great talk and I walked away released of my anger and bitterness.

It just took a few simple truths from the Father. I was reminded of the story of Elijah and how the Lord passed by him in the cleft of the mountain. The great wind rushed by, the earth shook and a fire raged but God was in the gentle whisper. I have had moments where the Lord has dealt with me in  very powerful ways. I guess I got stuck into thinking He always had to come to me like that. So I began putting off going to Him about issues I was dealing with because I didn't have the opportunity to have those power encounters. But the Lord reassured me this week He wants to meet with me in the "clouds and fire" like Moses and also the "gentle whisper" like Elijah.  I have begun this week asking the Lord in my car and in the grocery store and at school "What do you want me to know about that God?" and listening for His few simple truths instead of letting it all fester until I can deal with it later. I hope this makes sense. I know it may not be earth shattering for most but it's just one of those things the Lord has been showing me lately that has really set me free.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water....

No, not talking about the movie Jaws. I'm talking about the bath tub. I thought my kids had out grown the whole needing toys in the tub but someone snuck them in. Toy sharks that is. Then they left them in the bottom of the tub. So as I go to jump in the shower I begin stepping on plastic dorsal fins and hard pointy tails. They were all over the tub. Big sharks, little sharks, mean sharks and smiling sharks. Boy for someone like me who has a fear of sharks, finding an entire school of them in your own bathroom is pretty scary(I have no idea if sharks school like fish any whoo). I think I may need some more therapy on this. 

I'm warning you all. It's not safe to go back in the water!!!!

And no I don't have pictures, have you ever tried taking a picture wrapped in a towel dripping wet? Not a pretty sight. Any way my husband would have really thought I lost it then.

He Had A Good Day!!!!

Thank you Jesus!!! Shaggy came home and told my Knight and I that he had the best day this year. He thanked us for praying and said because of our prayers God moved on his behalf. He was able to play football with three of his friends out on the field away from the bullies. It was a real breakthrough for us. Thank you for all your prayers. We are going to continue to pray for these 4 young men who are bullying and also pray for favor on Shaggy (thank you Coolmama for that wisdom). I like good days when God breaks through and shows us how much He cares!!!

A Mama's Broken Heart

Today I went to school to eat lunch with Shaggy. It was a fun time and I enjoyed his table of friends. I was also allowed to join them at recess, something I did not know you could do. I went out and sat at a picnic table as the kids ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Then I witnessed exactly what Shaggy had been sharing with us. I saw Shaggy join in on a kickball game with his fellow 4th graders. I was very shocked to see the blatant bullying. Two teachers were on the sidelines chatting and watching the playground equipment during this whole scenario but not one of them did anything to stop the young men.

While there wasn't any physical battles a group of about 4 young men, well trained in emotional and verbal bullying, began to unleash their abuse on the kickball field. Shaggy along with a handle full of other "outsiders" or boys who these young men considered lower then they were, were completely ignored and rejected during the entire game. These 4 young men played around them and considered Shaggy and his friends invisible. When Shaggy or any of the other boys tried to play they were yelled at and called names. My heart broke. I couldn't stand watching it but I felt helpless because I have no authority on that playground. My son tried his best to stay positive and keep going but the more they ignored him and repeatedly called him names, the lower his head drooped. He began to play as though there was a weight hung around his shoulders.

I HATE BULLYING!!! We have seen the effects and toll it takes on people. I do not hate those young men and women who have lashed out in violence because of the cruel way they were treated by their peers. I understand violence is not the answer but we need to realize what drove those precious young men and women to the breaking point. What I saw on the playground today is only the beginning. These young men will enter Middle School and High School and their tactics and techniques will only get more abusive.

I will be praying for a breakthrough in our school. If our church is standing for a Cancer Free region than I as a mom can stand for a Bullying Free School District. These young men and women need to know Christ and have an encounter with Him. I have contacted the School and we are going to be working with them on some practical solutions but in the end a heart change needs to take place. So I go with a heavy heart and tears to war on behalf of my son and the countless other kids that are being hurt by others. Please keep us in prayer. This one is really tough and Shaggy doesn't want to go to school any more. After witnessing what I did today I almost hate sending him back, but I know we must press in and not run and hide. This really hurt today.

Favorite Pictures From My Husbands Overseas Trip in May

A bit late but I thought some of these were breathtaking. All shot from his Missions trip in May. To keep the missionaries in the country safe I still can't reveal the location or details of the trip. Just enjoy the pictures.

After School Fun

I was just fooling around with my camera and took some shots while we were playing ball at the park. Good times!!!

Just something I have been worshiping to around the house. JesusCulture Rocks!!!

Getting To The Bottom Of Things

We had another rough morning yesterday with Shaggy refusing to get on the bus while we were at the bus stop and the bus was waiting. I sort of lost it and felt backed into a corner so I snapped. In my black leather jacket holding coffee (looking extremely hard core) I yelled "Don't make me put you on that bus son. Get your backside on that bus or else." I am sure I impressed every parent there and will be receiving the Mom Of the Year award this year.

I have been personally struggling with Shaggy's behavior. Walking home I called my husband and unloaded on him and then totally went drama queen on the Lord. I spat out that Shaggy is on his way to becoming a rebellious child and woe is me and sell drugs and blah, blah, blah. I know it sounds horrible. Then I hear the Lord say "Are you all done? You are definitely overly dramatic sometimes." Gasp!! God just told me I was overly dramatic. He then proceeded to tell me Shaggy is struggling with no friends at school and being picked on. 

My heart broke and I repented of thinking those curses and thoughts over Shaggy. I waited until he got home later that afternoon and gave him a big hug. We went into the computer room and had a talk. Low and behold (like God wasn't going to be right) Shaggy divulged everything. He is being picked on at school because he is in some advanced areas of Math, Science and Reading. Kids are making fun him because he is blessed with intelligence. He is also being picked on at recess because he is not the most athletic right now. He has so many growth spurts that he gets awkward and doesn't have great balance at times. He told me no one wants him on their team and he gets traded for other kids. Then if he is on their team they yell at him and call him a loser.

I felt crushed and hurt for my son. My first reaction (in my heart) was to go to school and teach those kids a lesson or two but I didn't want to share that with him. I told him I was so sorry and I wish I had known sooner.

We talked for a while and we are still in the process of helping him through this but the big thing is we got to the bottom of this. Sometimes our kids can't express themselves or may have difficulty so they just react. What I thought was pure rebellion was really his pain pouring out. He didn't want to tell me because he told me dad and I are really good at sports and we would be ashamed of him. Well, I didn't let that one go and gave him a big hug and told him how much we loved him no matter what he did. 

Today Shaggy got on the bus with no problems and a lighter heart. God is good. We will still be praying for wisdom on how to handle this with the school but to see his smiling face this morning and to get a great big kiss from him too melted my heart. I know now I must pursue my children just like the Father is always pursuing me.

For The Creative At Heart & Sewers

I found this great Sewing site. It's called BurdaStyle. You can click for tutorials and blogs and also for free patterns. I saw tons of awesome designs from average to experienced sewers/designers. It was too much fun. I downloaded some patterns I am hoping to try out once I get my machine fixed. Anyone know any good sewing machine shops around Harrisburg Pa?

The site also has other creative projects and ideas. One example was how to do the silk screening effect with stencils on fabric or use bleach for making a textured pattern on fabric. I know it might sound cheesy but the designs were quite exquisite. 

So if you love creativity or sewing stop by and have a look. I registered (it's free) and got some great ideas. Have fun!!

All Done Christmas Shopping

Let's just say I couldn't have done it without eBay and online shopping. Now I am really happy because I don't have to go into stores filled with mad christmas shoppers!!!!!!!