A Breakthrough For Me

Is it OK to be a little open and honest here? I have been struggling for some time with rejection in my life. It seems with every breath I take I am faced with the onslaught of rejection. Over the years it isolated me and caused me to step into some very dark corners of fear but recently I have been making some head way. Well, not me but God has been making some head way in my life.

I wanted to see a really big break through lately in this area. Not just to be abel to recognize the sting of rejection right away and deal with it with the Lord but maybe, possibly to not even feel the sting any more. To walk in security of who I am as a daughter of the Most High God. Yes, my rejection issues stem from my identity or what I wrapped my identity around.

This year off has been awesome to just sit in His presence and hear the Father say I am His over and over again. Apparently it's sinking in. Saturday night during service I felt so at peace for the first time in 11 years. I mean it. It sounds sad, I know, to think someone can sit in the service of a wonderful church and not find peace. My anxiety was not brought on by the fact that I wasn't born again but by the fact I was an orphan. I came knowing I was part of the gathering but not a part of the family. I used to struggle every service with "Will they notice me? Why can't I get a word? Why are they special and not me?" This is the honesty part I was talking about. I battled with feeling left out, like I was an invisible women. I felt like I needed to jump up and down and throw a tantrum in front of the entire congregation just so they would know I was there.

I needed to be recognized by someone!!!

Now I know who I needed that from. I needed it from the Father not people. Any time I tried getting that need met from others I was rejected. Thus the vicious cycle. I felt so at peace this service. I walked in as family knowing my place and seeing others as sisters and brothers. Think of it, you don't mind supporting your sister or brother in their talent or gift do you. Family loves seeing each other reach to new heights but outsiders want to fight for their position and surely cannot encourage others like family does.

This incredible weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't care if the Lord didn't formally recognize me this weekend because I knew who I was. I saw Him standing next to me the whole time. Oddly enough I saw Him standing next to each person and their was no jealousy. I Love It!!!!

Will I face rejection again at some point? Most definitely, but this time I am prepared to walk it out in a whole other way. I take it to Father, let Him correct my view and walk out of it stronger than before. Let's grab a hold of our identity in Christ. It brings freedom and life. I can't wait till the day that the Body at large charges forward into the enemy's territory as an Army of One. It's Time!!!!