You then spend the morning drinking coffee with him and spending time with him talking and doing things. He improves. The next morning you send him back with a note telling the school of his absence and reason. Again no illness just emotionally distraught. You make an appointment to go in and talk with one of your counseling Pastors and let the school know about this so they will let him out next week.
You get a phone call from the school guidance counselor intern about 3:30pm that afternoon. In all her kindness and sincerity she explains to you that your son acquired an unexcused absence for that day and that if it continues we will then have to face the administration for allowing your child to miss school. She thanked me for making an appointment with a counselor but emphasised if you child continues you must bring him to school any way and leave him in the office where they will transition him.
Sigh............all I was trying to do was help my son and love on him. I felt it was necessary and felt strongly that the Lord did not want me to lie about why he was home. I did not get upset with the young women and understood her position but still in some way it hurts. I do not do this on a regular basis and my kids have an awesome track record at school. So why can't the school be encouraged that a mom and dad are interested in the well being of their son even if it is for his emotional well being. So what do you think? Was I wrong or is this where the school system steps their boundaries? I don't know I am honestly going to have to process this one with the Lord. My kids mean the world to me and I guess if their well being means a slap on my wrist then I am going to have to take it.
9 comments:
You could just assure her that your efforts to seek a counselor are toward making sure that it does not happen frequently enough to warrant action on the school's part. And if it happens again, you'll be sure to get a doc's note explaining why he was absent.
I tend to not care all that much about the excused absence / non-excused absence conversation - mostly because they know it doesn't happen often and I use them sparingly. The guidance counselor is just doing her job to inform you, but you can certainly find ways to get days like that excused.
We've racked up a fair share this fall with the adoption and the family trip to my gram's and the counselor at school was understanding.
I think you were right for what you did. And, of course, the school has to do what they have to do.
This reminded me of a similar story. I lived in Indiana when I was a senior in HS, but my family lived here. My parents took my brother out of school a few times to travel back to Ind to see me for various things, but if they weren't for educational reasons (and they weren't) the school wasn't happy with his absences despite the real reason.
Finally, it was time for my graduation in Indiana and Jeff was going to have to miss 2-3 days of school. My mom wrote a note to the school and told them our grandfather had died and they'd be heading to Ind for a few days for the funeral. We joke her to this day about lying but she said it was less trouble to lie than to tell them the truth.
Now I don't suggest you follow my mom's lead and lie, but doing what is best for your family has got to be your priority. They'll just have to deal.
but emphasised if you child continues you must bring him to school any way and leave him in the office where they will transition him
Not to sound harsh here...but "whatever"....
I do not appreciate anyone suggesting that they can do a better job at parenting and raising my children. "they will transition him"...he didn't need a transition - he needed some quality time with his mother, and no school counselor will be able to fill that need.
But, you did react (or pro-act) well to the school, I believe. What's the difference between excused and un-excused anyway?
This is a great post, a could spur a lot of discussion if the "right" people read it. :)
I agree with Chris. You did what was best for the heart of your baby. God didn't choose the school administration to raise him...they're only meant to compliment what you're doing at home. Hmmm?...A perfect attendance award with a shiny gold sticker or a quiet morning and coffee with my mom? I know which one builds character and what he'd choose every single time.
You absolutely did the right thing by keeping your son home from school. Remember, sickness can take many forms...physical (the one we all think about), spiritual and emotional. If your ever faced with this situation again, I don't believe you would be lying to say he was not FEELING well.
Parents, not governement organizations, are responsible for the well-being of their children. Mother on, Dear!!!
This is a perfect example of how we feel pressured to perform a particular way and many times cave in, however, you did not cave!! His heart was more important than anything else at that moment and you made the right choice!!! In light of eternity what will matter, an unexcused absence or a mothers heart reaching out to meet and draw in her son's heart. You chose livin life in the Kingdom and that's real livin!
Legally in PA, your child is allowed at least 3 unexcused absences per year. (I'm not a lawyer, but this is according to our private school, who really tells us that they could care less because they don't have to report it to the authorities unless there are more than 3.
But maybe your stance along with others could be the beginnings of getting the rules in PA changed to allow for a certain number of mental health days for kids... after all, as oH mY wORD can attest, mental health can affect physical health.
All in all, don't beat yourself up over it. Perfect attendance track records are not what's important here... following the Lord's lead and taking care of your kids is the important thing, and you got an A+!
Of course you know I'll weigh in on this issue! I may actually write an entire post on the issue!
First of all, Nat's right. You did the right thing, you followed the leading of the Lord. Second of all, the school counselor did the right thing. It's the rules that are out of whack. Had you pulled him out for a trip to Disney for 5 days and given advanced notice, all his days would be "excused". Crazy, huh? Not that I'm in any way bashing a Disney vacation.....
Perhaps, my approach has been a little sneaky for self-preservation's sake (PTO president and all...I have a reputation to protect!). I make sure that I schedule as many dentist/doctor's appointments and "educational" trips with lunch thrown in during the school year that allow me to stay just below the radar. I know that doesn't allow for spontaneity as in your case, but it gives me some extra time with the kids that would normally not be excused. I would (in a heartbeat) keep any of my kids home for a mental health day if I thought they needed to. Then, I would write some vague, lame excuse for them not feeling well and then take the teacher some cookies. Seriously. I would do it just like that.
Just being honest....
I also believe that you did the right thing - and I also believe that the counselor also did the right thing...that is their job to call you and tell you what she did (Let's not bash the counselor!). If she did not do that, she could be seen as not being diligent in her job...there are parents (and kids) out there that would abuse taking a mental health day. So, I would not take any offense from it or feel bad or anything, just know that she is doing her job (maybe caring for you guys too - I can't really say that).
As far as a mental health day and a sick day are concerned, I kinda see them as the "same" thing. When I was teaching, I needed a mental health day at least once a year, and if I did not schedule my personal day ahead of time, I took a sick day. So, if this ever happens again, I would not be too concerned about saying that he was "sick" - unless the Lord tells you something else...that is between you and Him, of course.
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