An Interesting Comment....

A question was asked...

What do you do when you want to forgive someone so you can have a "normal" relationship with them but they don't want to change their behavior so you just find yourself being hurt over and over again?

I didn't want to just leave a quick answer in the comments box and I am not sure I have the right answer either. So here's the question "What do you think?"

This one is hard. With my own personal family situation I have had to distance myself from them for a period of time (unfortunately by their own choosing) because they would not agree to healthy boundaries. Because of the emotional and verbal stuff being slung around, my husband and I felt it was necessary to put some healthy boundaries in place. My family has since left us for a period of time feeling those boundaries are not fair or right. I highly recommend healthy boundaries for individuals who verbally, physically or emotionally are abusive. Right now I cannot have a "normal" relationship with my parents because of their choice not to move forward and heal themselves, but that circumstance maybe to the one extreme. I have just let people, who tend to be abrasive and hurtful, know I will not continue a conversation if they continue going in certain directions. I also have let them know we cannot meet if you continue to act in this manner. What I have found to be effective in my own walk is to let them know exactly what it is that they are doing to hurt me and that I would like to continue this relationship but it needs to be in a healthy way. This can be tricky in the sense that you must receive your own healing to be able to express this through love and not your current pain.

I forgive my family a lot. I have forgiven them for many things and daily I usually have to forgive them for something else. My forgiveness will not make them change or change my situation but it will release me from the destruction of bitterness and hate. I choose to heal and receive truth but that doesn't automatically change our relationship. It's so hard to answer. I guess my greatest advice would be that your forgiveness will not change them but it will set you free and you will have to do it over and over and over again. Depending on how much the person is hurting you, you may want to seek counsel (friends, spouse, Pastor, mentors) to see what you can do to put healthy boundaries in place for your sake and possibly you children's or marriage. Well that's all I have to say about that. Probably Dr. Phill could give you better advice. So any other thoughts about this?