We all need a touch from the Lord. We all need to hear His truth spoken over our lives. Whether we have come from amazing Godly households or from completely dysfunctional families we need God's truth. Lately the Lord has been allowing some ugly things to rise to the surface in my life. This is a big indicator He wants to deal with me. Usually I can push it down enough to get by, but then He grabs a hold of it and sticks it right in my face.
This time was no exception, however instead of sticking it in my face I got stuck in it. I have written in my past posts that I have a really terrible self image. This comes from years of lies that were placed in my life as a young girl. Lies like I'm not pretty or I'm fat and my self image was based off of how others viewed me. Mainly the world view of beauty. No matter how much my dear friends encourage me or my loving husband adores me I see my self as in a Carnival like mirror. I literally see something other than what I am.
Last night I came to the point of sitting down with the Father and getting His truth on the matter. I don't know why but I wanted to share this journey with others. Not to explain more heartaches of my past but to show God's redemptive power. If any thing I want to encouraged others that His truth is only an arm's length away. He is reaching down to you, will you just reach out to Him?
My Knight sat with me and began to pray about why I was feeling so stuck. Emotionally and spiritually I felt as though I was at a stand still, not moving forward. The Lord showed me this picture of a huge, deep mud puddle and I was knee deep in the middle. The more I moved the further I sank into the depths of this puddle. Jesus was first a fair distance off on the edge of the puddle. So I stopped struggling and watched as He walked out towards me, right on top of the mud without sinking. He came directly to me and held out His right hand. The Holy Spirit explained to me that the right hand signifies strength and asked me this question "Are you going to let My strength set you free?" So without to much thought (that was kind of a no brainer) I reached up and grabbed His hand. He pulled me out without any difficulty. We then stood together on the mud puddle. Jesus then asked me how I wanted to get out of there? I looked at Jesus trying to understand His question. Why was He asking me? Shouldn't He just tell me? He is God you know. But He waited patiently for me to respond. "How can I get out of here?" I inquired. He said I can wait until the mud hardens and walk off by myself or I can allow Him to help me walk on the mud. Hummmm? Why 2 options? Was He setting me up to pick the wrong answer and then leave me stranded there?
No, He simply stated that in life we have many options and not all are wrong or bad. Sometimes, we have multiple good choices and He allows us to pick. But...and I mean big BUT...the Holy Spirit asked me what is the Fathers heart in this matter. He told me I can always seek the Father to find out what His heart desires before choosing on my own. So I asked "Father what is your desire?" I heard Him tell me "I will wait with you if you choose to allow the mud to harden or you can put all your trust in Me and we can walk together. If we walk off together it will be quicker but it might be harder for you, for you will want to fall on your own understanding at times and sink back in. I will be there to lift you gaze back upon me but it will be the more difficult route. In the end though, you will be stronger and we will have not lost any time. Waiting is easier and it is not a wrong choice but in the end you will not have grown as much and it will take more time."
I looked into His deep blue eye's and gazed at the vastness of the universe. In those moments I connected with His heart and chose to walk with Him, conscious of the difficulties ahead. So we walked. At that moment I was led to a memory of myself when I was just a girl, maybe 12 or 13. My mom asked me to take diet pills so I could lose weight. The funny, but sad thing was I was not over weight at all. The tears welled up and I began to realize why the Lord said this way was hard. I began to sink as I lost track of the Father and began to be sucked down into my pain and the lies that were now swirling around me. All I could do was begin to look for Him again.... to be continued.
7 comments:
You hit it right ont he head: it's one of those "carnival mirrors"- the ones that distort and lie. Just wanted you to know that I'm with you. Waiting to read the next post to see how our Father picks you up.
Thanks for sharing. Indeed every time you share a part of your journey, you are encouraging others. I'll be looking for the continuation.
This is beautiful. It is so hard to put into words my experiences with the Lord sometimes, and I can really see and feel this whole situation.
Lately, the Lord has been bringing things to the surface for me as well. I too have felt fat all of my life - sometimes I have been overweight but other times, lies have been told to me - I too am on a journey - I just need to start walking. The picture that the HS gave to you is awesome - thank you for the encouragement, and I look forward to the next part
Have you looked up the significance of the "right arm" of God?? That's too cool that you learned that in that moment.
One of the things I love about God - he's always a gentleman. He will wait until the right time to help us with the things that can/will weigh us down.
Blessings as you share.
I really appreciate your open heart. Salvation has really brought a lot of feelings of shame and fear to the surface for me that I've never dealt with...being that same person that would rather just shove down really low and forget. You have been very encouraging. About to read Part II. :)
Oh, my, Dear One, the battles are increasing in amount and difficulty. I myself, just got off the phone with a dear sister who prayed for me!!! We are becoming stronger in Jesus.
A few years ago, I was in a major battle and extrememly upset. While soaking in the bathtub and through tears, I said to Jesus, "I just can't fight any longer." Jesus' beautiful voice cut through my sobs as He replied, "But, ____________, it is in the fight, that I make you stronger."
I got out of the tub, dressed, and grabbed my journal in order to write down what He had said. I went downstairs where Strongman was playing a CD that we had for awhile, but never opened. As he usually does, he listened to the first few measures of each song and then skipped to the next where he left it play. (He had no idea what I had just experienced.) Anyway these are the lyrics that caught my ear, even as I was writing what God had said in my journal.
"Just remember that a battle makes us stronger. Even though we feel we can't fight any longer. If we just believe His words, we will see His power. Grace will find us in that hour," from the song Already Done by Whitecross.
I haven't thought about this for awhile, I needed the encouragement as much as you!!!
Dear One, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! But it doesn't matter what I say or even what your husband says...Jesus' voice has to be heard and assimilated for the lie to be broken!! In Jesus' name may BOTH of us hear Your beautiful voice of truth and BOTH of us assimilate it into every part of our beings. We are Your Beloved! We are Your Beautiful Bride! AMEN!!!
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