I was thinking a lot about Classic Mama's post with dealing with her daughter's friendship. I don't have the catty girl issues that most of you moms have raising girls but we are faced with a young man who is really becoming a bully. He is a "friend" of Rocker and Shaggy's. I say "friend" because now he just bosses them around. He comes from a Christian home and we know the parents, good people, but he has lately been terrorizing the boys. He is very negative towards the boys always putting them down. He manipulates the kids around him to get his way.
If the boys don't agree with him then he can turn all the kids against Shaggy and Rocker. Oh, for the day when it was acceptable for boys to get into a scrap out back. I know not very Christ like but I just hate to see this happen and it does happen right in front of me. A couple of times I have said things to this young man but unfortunately he has absolutely no respect for authority so it goes nowhere. So what do you do as a mom? I have prayed with the boys and plan to pray some more. I have given them the go ahead to stand up for what is right and not go along with him if they don't agree. But the pain is still there. Last night we talked about how it is not the young man we fight against but the principality that is operating in his life. The boys actually understand this, though it doesn't make the pain any less. I hate seeing the boys put down and discouraged by a young man that should be walking in the fullness of the Lord. He has so much potential but if left to his current ways he will cause great destruction in his own life and others around him.
I really have to be careful and seek the Lord on this issue. See I am a fighter. I have actually tangled with bullies as a young girl. I would often get into fights and beat up those bigger,older kids who were picking on younger, smaller ones. I was not a little girl you messed with. I remember taking on a 3rd grader that punched my brother when we were in 1st grade. I did actually win. That attitude and behavior followed me into high school getting me into trouble. I don't want the boys to deal with this in a physical way, I just don't quite know what to do any more. I almost think it would be easier if someone cut off my arm than see my children hurting like this.
4 comments:
Wise advice!!!
Although we do have a lot in common, this is an area in which we differ. Growing up I was not a fighter. I allowed the bullies to have their way with with me and like you, God has dealt with me in this area. We (including your boys, Scarlet, you and me) have to take authority over these kind of situations in the spirit realm, because truly we DO NOT war against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and the ruler of this world!
In Jesus' name, Holy Spirit give ALL of us Your power to fight against the assignments of the enemy to kill, rob and destroy the destinies that You have for us. Give us wisdom and give us Holy Love to combat the darkness. All for the glory of One!!!! AMEN!!!
You know, we've been dealing with "girl" stuff since Alyssa was in kindergarten and I just decided recently to scrap the entire 'let's all just get along' approach. I told her that if she feels someone is not being the type of friend that encourages, supports and loves her, then to let them go. We don't have to be friends with everyone who crosses our path. In fact, not all people are good for us. We have to draw the line and have boundries all through life.
So, she hasn't completely shunned this girl, but she isn't seeking her out and stewing over whether she talked to her or not and she's investing in other people. And you know what's happening...the girl is starting to shape up b/c she sees that Alyssa isn't going to take it from her anymore. Alyssa isn't allowing her to control her and so the girl is changing her tune a little.
As my good friend Dr. Phil says, kids will do what works for them. If being mean and nasty gets them attention, or loyalty (out of fear) or whatever, then that's what they do.
I told her I could talk to the mother (again) but I really thought that the most impact would come from Alyssa taking charge of the situation. She never said a word to her but let her actions do the talking.
I don't know if this will work long term, but it has certainly been a much more peaceful week in our home.
And if all else fails, I plan on helping Alyssa kick her butt in the parking lot one day. :)
:) I think everyone can identify with this topic.
I agree with both Beautiful Grace and Nat: it's the take it to the Lord, but then shake the dust off your feet idea. At least, that's what I'm teaching Scarlett. We paryed for the little girl and then talked abotu why the little girls would act like that. We have agreed that Scarlett should go to the girl and ask if she made her mad (just like Paul would suggest) but if she did nothing wong, then Scarlett should just kinda let her go. If she wants to be friends in the future, she'll know where to find Scarlett.
You go Nat! I love that answer. We struggle with the girl thing a bit, because LadyBug places such high value on having so many friends and having them all love her. I empathize - I was that little ladybug myself.
But I also have learned, thru my own hurtful experience and I must say thru watching my boys handle things, that we don't all have to be best buds. We can have those that we just acquaint ourselves with and not be soul mates with.
Yes, we all long for a "sister of the heart" or whatever, but ultimately, we have to respect and love ourselves enough BOY OR GIRL to not let another take over our self and devalue us. I just remind all my kids that we pour ourselves into the people that will be with us in the long run - sibs, true friends who are constant, etc. Sometimes, it's right and righteous to seek out those who reciprocate, not just those who are unlovable and need us!
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