You Can Tell I Have Come A Long Way...

I have been sitting at our computer for 2 weeks now pouring over scripture and seeking the Lord about how to teach an upcoming class at our church. My Knight and I are teaching together for our church's Wed. Night Adult Education program. Years ago I would have been chomping at the bit to speak in front of people (many, many years ago). I would have vainly loved to show people how much I knew and how great I am. Not the case any more. I am humbled by this offer to teach.

I realize the gravity of what it means to teach God's Word and to represent Him to others. It is a weightiness. I keep going back and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to my Knight and I what is the truth you want to release through us? What are the words you want us to speak? This isn't about me any more. I once loved going to Public Speaking Contests and getting up in front of people just so they could see me. Boy, that isn't the case anymore.

I also think about how others will perceive us later. I understand in the smallest sense the feeling pastors feel when they and their families are scrutinized on a daily basis for the words they preach to their congregation. We are teaching on helping parents to help their kids hear God's voice. So how will people see us afterwards? Will they judge me when my kid is asked to pray and he doesn't want to? "Well that Livin', I thought she told us her kids hear the voice of God and he doesn't even want to pray."

I know that sounds silly but it is all running through my brain right now. The biggest weight is how I represent the King of Kings to others, how I use His mighty Word. I don't want to use it out of context or manipulated in any way. Does this make any sense? The Bible talks about the responsibility that comes to those who teach God's Word. Believe me, I feel that very strongly right now. I am not rushing head long into this thing believing for my glory. If anything I would like to run the other way. We are also teaching the same month that 2 amazingly gifted and anointed teachers of our church our teaching. In the room right next to ours. What could we even have to offer compared to these guys?

So bit by bit I type and continue with our outline. I keep sitting back in my chair covering my face with my hands and just asking "Does this make any sense God? Are we getting even close to what it is Your trying to say?" I think my eye brows may fall completely out by the end of May with as many times as I rub my brow in frustration with myself.

I also worry about my speech. One of my learning disorders is I say things wrong. I say phrases backwards. Sometimes I feel like my brain has a log jam and I can't get my thoughts out properly. I am sooooo glad Moses had issues and I have even heard it say that Paul may have stuttered. I am definitely in good company.

How's my Knight in all this you ask? Well he has done this twice now and is a little more at ease with this process then I am. Also he speaks more eloquently then I do with all his business meetings and conferences. Me, I talk to kids all day and even with pre-teens I still don't get full sentences out on a daily basis so my brain gets stuck in Mommy talk.

Basically I just needed to get that off my chest. I feel better just sharing that and hopefully you all can pray for us this Month. At least when May's done we can sit back and relax and not have to do this again. :)