Living A Life Worthy of Something, Anger/Fear & Change

I haven't had a blog entry in forever and I know I am writing to myself. :-) But that's OK David spoke to his soul many times in the Bible so I feel I can do the same.

I am in the trenches right now fighting a battle I don't feel I have the strength to fight. I want a life worthy of something. I want to live life to the fullest but how? So much has changed this year. So many heartaches and rejections and battles. After a while you become battle weary. Have you ever seen Band of Brothers? It is an eye opening movie experience of what the men faced during WWII on the front lines. At one point the group is stuck in a forest and is getting the beating of a life time from a German artillary corp across the field from them. Many of their "brothers" died. I believe it was a year or more they were there living in fox holes in wintery conditions without supplies. The German Army had surrounded them. They get to a point where they don't ever react during the shelling. They are litterally shell shocked.

I am at that point. Just tired, weary and shell shocked. I hate it. Then anger and fear raise it's ugly head and I am stuck in my fox hole. Paralyzed by fear I can't even move.

I thought I knew what my life was supposed to look like. I thought I knew the ending of the book...silly for me to presume that since I am not the author of it.What I was told I would do as part of my "destiny" is actually no longer true. What I though I knew as certantiy is now very uncertain. I am on a new journey now and that is frightening. See I am in the fox hole and my way out to safety is to move, but my fear of something new is keeping me in my hole thus making me suceptiable to the enemy's fire.

So I have gone to taking baby steps. Right now I am creeping up to the ledge of the hole looking for my next move. Eventually I will get out but after a year like this one I am doing a lot of creeping and not running. The picture above is of my sons at a Military Museum near us. It is a reconstruction of a trench from WWI. This trip opened my eyes again to battle and war. It is ugly and painful. I definitely could see why it was hard to get the troops out of the trenches to make a charge on the enemy. You have to become vunerable to attack and even ready to face death. Even though you are not 100% safe in the trenches you get this disullusioned idea your safe. In fact there were just as many dangers down there as out on the feild with the shellings, rats, sickness and so forth.

Well this has been quite the rambling. Now I just need to keep going. I need to keep moving forward even at the slow pace I am going. I want to live a life worthy of something to overcome my anger and fear and embrace the change. It's just going to take me one step at a time but I believe I will come through this eventually.

Picking Up THe Pieces

That seems to be a revolving theme in my life. Sometimes its picking up the pieces of my past life and the pain and struggles I endured early on and sometimes its the present day circumstances that lay shattered at my feet. I wonder "Is it God, is it satan, is it me?" I then ask the age old question "Why God?" but like many who journeyed this path before me silence fills the air as no answer ensues. So what to do?

I have gotten angry with God (no surprise there you know that's happened before and seems to be my default response), angry with my husband (because he is the only thing in my life that resembles God with skin on so hence the anger towards him which is actual anger towards God) and angry with myself. There have been quite a few disappointments lately and hurts that have not healed completely and I just wonder how much more. I want to love God with all my heart, soul and mind but part of me doesn't want to trust. Maybe God is doing this, maybe I am the one person He doesn't actually love.

See this all goes back to my past. I lived in a household where love was given and revoked and demanded. One minute you were told you were loved then the next you were told you stepped out of that love and everything was taken away. There were even times you were threatened that love would be withheld if you did the wrong thing. Love was confusing and hurtful and completely mangled in my life. Unfortunately as much as I know God loves me unconditionally these beliefs are still there and they pop up when I feel God is absent or has abandoned me.

So now I pick up the pieces and start afresh. I have my down moments where I want to stick my head in a hole and my heart in outer space so no one can touch it and then I realize I can't stay there. I brush my self off and pick up the broken pieces of my hopes, dreams and heart. I hand them back to God and you know what He just embraces them and me. Even to the point where like shards of glass in His hands He holds me so close that my broken pieces pierce His hands and draws HIs blood.

Never will He stop holding me. Not even when my pain causes Him pain. I guess that's what started this in the first place. My pain, our pain, the worlds pain is what Jesus was pierced with on the cross as He embraced the Father and the Father embraced the world.

Working Through The Pain

It's been quite a while since writing something...I have thought about going on here and trying to put into words the battle I have been facing but I would just end up staring at the cursor blinking off and on. The empty page seemed to sum up my heart at that time.

Right now I am working through the pain. It seems the Lord has allowed us to face an all out assault on our family for His purposes. Dissapointments, hurts, financial pain, emotional wounding, betrayal and much, much more. I thought I left the pain of wanting another child until I went without my period for 3 months and then convinced myself I was pregnant. My hopes were eventually dashed and the reality of never being able to carry another child again hit home. I know many talk to me about adopting and that is a strong avenue but you will never be able to take that longing away from me to want to feel a life growing inside of me. It's there and it hurts. I can't even be happy for others right now when I hear so-and-so is pregnant. We have prayed for 7 years now and the bleakness of that prayer ever coming to pass has just overwhelmed me.

Our Pastor recently spoke on being a Son & Daughter of God vs a servant of God. Whether he intentionally or unintentionally meant to he prefaced the sermon with testimonies of what a Son or Daughter looks like. These testimonies were everything going right, all the favor you could ever have and prayers being answered left and right. So then where does it leave us? What happens when God goes silent and prayers are delayed and problems come? Are we no longer Sons & Daughters? Are we now slaves & servants?

I don't believe so but I don't think giving testimonies of everything going right all the time are great either. We live in a fallen world and more times then not we need to hear about the struggles. Did you know that the word "hem" in Ps. 139:5 is not a happy word? We pray that a lot in our church meetings that God would "hem" us in when in actuality that means to crush, to imprison on all sides and to besiege by the hand of God. That's right I am not talking enemies coming against you I mean God is doing this. That is where we are right now "hemmed" in. Not only are we "hemmed" in but then the vs. continues to tell us God even has His hand on top of us. Now we are in God's own trash compactor. Yeah, think next time someone prays that over you.

This is not a fun place. It is a hard place. It is a place where you come face to face with your pain, your inadequacies, your beliefs are challenged and you wonder briefly is God a loving God? I do beleive He is but I am honest enough to tell you it does not make it one bit easier. You see others going through life right as rain and all the while you are getting hammered. What's wrong with this picture. So right now I am sitting in this "hemmed" in place. I cry a lot and my heart aches as though it has been torn from my chest at times and I desperately want some answers but then I am left to sit again in this dark lonely place. Like David though I will come through...hopefully. I will learn more and strengthen in areas that were weak but I don't like it. I want to have a baby, I want to not be hit by one more financial bombshell, I want some answers to prayers and I want to feel the joy of the Lord again. So I will wait for that season to come and work through the pain of this one. At least I can say I am still here. I haven't given up, at least not yet.

No Hope Left

I feel as though I have had the wind knocked out of me. As though everything I thought was reality has come crashing down around me and I am left with a void. I am not in a good place right now. I am angry with God. Yes I said it and mean it. I have lost hope in him and many other things and people.

I am tired of fighting this battle with no ending. I have fought since I was born and it just isn't worth fighting any more. I have been called a liar and rejected by family and lived a life of sacrifice for what? You know what though? God actually is not fazed by my attitude or lose of hope. If he is as big as everyone says he is than he is OK with me not being happy with him.

I can't stand watching friends go through hell and their family members die and people who say they are real not be. I can't stand the false world I live in and I don't have much hope any more of this ever changing.

I don't ask for help but for the ability to wade through the crap myself in my time. This post is a journal entry pure and simple. Its for me and no one else. I needed to release all this crap right now.

What Do I Know of Holy

Just An Average Student

I am just an average student, or at least was while I was in school. I did well but never really well. I struggled in school due to a learning disability. During those years teachers did not advocate for students with disabilities to try and support them. You were just lumped in the "dumb" kids group. I think for the most part I frustrated my school's faculty. Just when they thought they could label me as dumb I would go on to win the Science Fair and head to States with great accomplishments.

As soon as they began praising me for my accomplishments I would start failing math again and I was back in with the "dumb" kids. In those days they were just at the precipice of the Politically Correct movement so teachers did call me and the others dumb. Yep they even told me not to go to college because I wasn't smart enough.

Then my essay in English would astound the teachers or I went to National Public Speaking Contests and won but all-in-all I was an average student who struggled greatly in school. Today I look at myself differently. I see the gifts the Lord placed in me and to Him I am above average. See it is just the way I was wired. I succeeded in the areas I did at school because those things incorporated my creativity. Those things allowed me space to learn in a way I could achieve at. Where as typical education systems stifled and frustrated me. Today I continue to learn but through means by which I have found out to be successful to me.

I guess I bring this up because one of my sons brought home a letter informing us that he "is an average student" and will be placed in some average classes next year. It went on to inform us that some of his fellow classmates will be placed in advanced classes but he did not qualify. He felt very dumb by getting this letter. I felt very sad because I know and remember what it feels like to be in other people's eyes, just average. Average isn't good enough and to some it actually is the nice way of saying dumb. The thing is I know he isn't just average. All three of my boys have a creative side to them. They might never be the valedictorians of their schools but I believe they will accomplish great things. Mainly because they will accomplish the destiny God put in them.

So why do we have to label and lump kids into categories. Each student has the potential for greatness but maybe not as we define or see greatness. I know a couple of my friends who were farming kids were labeled as dumb and therefore never tried to succeed. I however saw a different side to them and know personally that they were very brilliant. I don't disagree that kids should be given the chance to do their best in school and if your child needs more challenges then that is great because that is how God designed them, but what can we do about the labels? How can we encourage the average kids so that they know and believe that they are more then just average. It has taken me years to lose that label. YEARS!

For us we talked to our son and built him up in areas God has given him strength in and reinforced his identity in Christ not what others say, but we need to do that with all kids not just our own. Look for those glimmers of hope in the kids who struggle. Please if you have a chance to encourage an average kid like I was then take it. Help them know they are more than average and that average is as good a label as normal. I mean come on, how can you truly define normal? It would have been a different world for me if someone just said to me "You are more than your grades Livin. You are not just average. You are not dumb. You have potential for greatness."

Don't Be Surprised When You Ask For A Sign And You Get A Sign

After my Knights motorcycle accident 2 1/2 years ago we both said the only way we would get another bike is if the Lord gave us one. Yes, we were open to riding again even after my Knights 8 week recovery and a steel plate in his knee. See it's just something in you. My Knight and my three boys have a bit of wildness in them. They are all rough, rugged, outdoor, wild men. My Knight grew up with motorcycles and has ridden since he was 8. I used to ride dirt bikes when I was 8 or so. It's in our blood.

But we didn't want to go there again unless the Lord blessed it. Neither of us were ready to jump back on a bike until we heard the Lord clearly that He would be with us. So I few weeks ago Scott received a phone call about a motorcycle. He was offered an older bike but it was free. Scott hesitated and asked to pray about it. After two accidents we wanted to make sure the Lord was OK with this.

Scott kind of put it in the back of his mind and let it go. Me on the other hand began to pray for a sign. I wanted the Lord to show Scott a sign it was safe to go back out and ride again. I also wanted the Lord to give Scott a sign His blessing was on this. One day Scott came home and threw a bright yellow thing on the table. As I went to pick it up it unfolded and I realized what it was. The sign pictured up top was it. I laughed. God gave us a sign!!!
As you can see we called the owners up and said yes. Scott is happier than a clam. He loves to work on things mechanically and he loves bikes so restoring this bike maybe something he really needs right now to help with stress.

It runs but Scott is already taring it down, cleaning carbs and flushing lines. I get to repaint it!:-)
Oh, yeah, blue ghost flames baby!


So there you have. Sometimes when you ask God for a sign he might really, actually give you a sign!

My Helping Hands

Rocker Edging

Shaggy Mowing

DK Mowing Too

Our next door neighbor had a heart attack 2 weeks ago so I got the boys to help
take care of their lawn until he is feeling better. Our neighbor who had the heart
attack takes care of our other neighbor who is 89 years old so we ended up mowing
and edging 3 lawns. It was a great outdoor experience and the boys are doing a great
job learning yard work.

I just had to throw this one in as a bonus. I guess hard work makes you bad to the bone!

Dont Knock The Disciples Until You Are In Their Shoes

I speak that directly to myself. I have always been harsh on the Disciples of Jesus and many of those in the Bible. I think to myself "Come on people, you have the Messiah standing right in front of you and you still don't get it!" or "Come on people didn't you just see that amazing miracle and you still doubt. If I lived back then I wouldn't have acted like that."

Well, I guess after a few too many years of thinking or saying that to myself the Lord decided it was time to walk in their shoes for a while and see if my tune would change.

Right now I am in a time of stretching, unfolding, squeezing and refining with the Lord. Maturity in Christ is not about things getting easier for you but it is about going deeper. Alan Vincent, a missionary from India who now pastors in Texas, once said that mature Christians will begin to see their prayer requests go unanswered longer than when they were brand new Christains. It isn't because new, baby Christians have more faith or zeal but because being young in the Lord they need the "milk" of the Lord. They need to taste the things of the Lord and get an appetite for His love and faithfulness. As we mature our appetite changes and we eat more solid foods. God is seeking more of a intimate relationship with us not just a simple "give me", "what can I get from this" relationship. He is beginning to ask "How far will you press in? How deep will you go? How long will you travail for the things of the Kingdom?"

Mountain top experiences are wonderful and encounters with the Living God are amazing but going into the crushing depths of His very presence are more difficult. It takes sacrifice and a price must be paid...your very life for His.

I am in the boat right now on the seas of life. I have just witnessed the 5,000 being fed by only a child's meal but exhaustion has swept over me. The mountain top experience is not enough to sustain me, I need something more and I am too tired to see what it is. I know how the Disciples felt being in that storm. As the waves reach heights of 10-20 feet my small boat looks more like a child's play thing. Any minute now I know I will sink to the very bottom of the sea and drown.

Jesus however, sits on the mountain side and is observing the whole thing. Come to think of it He sent the storm. He orchestrated this time for me. I am in this storm but in his hands all at the same time. It's time for me to stop looking a the waves and start looking into His eyes. There I will find peace.

People over the years have made it to outer space and even the moon. Going high is difficult but manageable. Climbers summit Mt. Everest, Pike's Peak and Mt. McKinley every year, but what about our ocean? Do you realize it is the last unexplored frontier of our world. In reality we have not been able to go very deep in respect to how deep the ocean really is. The pressure is too great. Submarines can only go so far without being crushed.

That's what the Lord is looking for...people willing to go into the crushing depths of His presence. Those who are willing to lose their lives to gain them. That is where He is taking me. I feel the pressure building. I don't think at times I can survive. However, God has promised me I will make it if I just don't give up. It's time for us to go deep. It's time to get uncomfortable and vulnerable with God. I take back everything I ever said about the Disciples or others in the Bible. Those are the individuals that went into the depths and came out changed forever. They became the history makers. Are we willing to be a generation that is more concerned with going deeper than sitting on the mountain tops?

Shaggys Native American Long House

Phew!! We just finished that in the nick of time. I am not really happy we have projects due during the week of our State's public school testing but we made it through. Hopefully it looks somewhat like a Long House. They were made out of grasses and natural materials but I didn't have an small bundles of grass or hay lying around so we made it with sticks & Grocery bags. We had fun though and that is what counts. :-)

A Bit of Honesty & Real Life Parenting

`I am a very transparent person and so my posts can become very raw and real at times. For me that's just how I roll. Nothing much hidden. So I have been contemplating in sharing my struggles this week as a parent. I then came to a sense of peace that maybe some mom out there might relate or connect with what I went through this week. If not maybe a young mom out there will be encouraged to know that even when walking with the Lord you can go through difficult situations with your kids. Godly parenting is not about avoiding difficult times with your kids it's about learning how you traverse your way through the deep dark crevasses of life with the Lord as your guide.

This past weekend took a toll on our whole family. Things were triggered inside all of us that brought to the surface a lot of pain. Scott and I were so weary at that point that we honestly weren't keeping tabs with the boys emotional status. We were just trying to keep ourselves afloat. Monday afternoon Shaggy was slated for a hair cut. He hasn't had one in at least 4 months. We talked about how long his hair could be but I made the last minuted decision of cutting 2 inches off so he could start growing it back in, in a more healthy state.

Well, I just created the spark that set off the emotional explosion. I handled the outcome very badly and had no patience at all. There was no grace, there was no mercy. Scott and I also did not see the signs that more things were going on in Shaggy then a bad hair cut. So needless to say Monday stunk and then we went to bed mad at each other.

Tuesday morning proved to be worst. Feelings were still raw and we all felt the exhaustion of the weekend. Words were spoken, feelings were hurt and then Shaggy reacted to the moment...he ran away. Not much worse than the feeling that your child just bolted and you don't know where he is. I felt afraid and angry and sad and everything a mother could possibly feel in one single moment. We did find him fairly quickly but even that didn't go well.

After so more exchange of words we were able to get Shaggy to go to school and he seemed to calm down there. During that time I just sat and prayed and talked to God. I began to see the larger picture. Shaggy was triggered by the events of the weekend. The hair cut actually played into that situation too and whamo, we now have the explosive situation that took place in the morning.

So what to do? As a parent we really screwed things up. We reacted instead of responding. We exploded instead of loving. I remember thinking, "I totally blew it. Can God really redeem this and turn it into something for our good?" The answer came quickly and clearly "Yes I can!" With that I began praying for Shaggy and also the other two boys. They experienced the whole thing so I know they were feeling the pain of it all too. Later that night we sat and talked to Shaggy.

We began processing the events and he began to see the larger picture. He acknowledged the fact that pain drove him to run away. We began asking each other for forgiveness and allowed healing to return to our home. Things are better today. Shaggy is processing more and more about what exactly happened and so are we.

We now need to pray about a healthy way for Shaggy to retreat when he feels overwhelmed. Scott and I realized growing up on farms we retreated to our dirt bikes or horses to help us find a quiet space to process our feelings. Shaggy does not have that here in town so we need to find a creative way to help him find "his own space". At 11 I know he needs a place to go where he can internalize what's going on and a place to call his own. Shaggy is great about sharing his feelings but he always needs some quiet time first. Once he has that he can easily articulate to us all that he feels. If we try to push him to quickly he just shuts down.

I have been processing the feelings of failure and shame I feel from Shaggy's experience on Tuesday. The Lord has brought so much good through this bad situation. Parenting is one of the most difficult things to do in life. It isn't easy at all but very rewarding. I am a parent not because I get anything out of it. If that were the case I probably wouldn't have kids. I am a parent because God gave me three amazing gifts and I love them so much. The journey through parenting is tough. It isn't for the faint of heart but if you press through the pain, storms and difficulties of parenting you can find real joy in it all. That's what I discovered this week. I failed, Scott failed but I know God never does. He came down and redeemed our situation. He restored love, peace and joy back into our house and even taught us all a few things.

Even if you feel like your not a good parent or you don't have what it takes remember that God is all we need. He actually created us as parents not to have all the answers or do it perfect all the time, that way our kids realize the importance of our dependence on Him and Him alone.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say about that. Today is a new day, I will be glad and rejoice in it.

Our Seder

We ended up with over 140 people!

Since families were encouraged to bring their kids
I created a kids corner for them. It was a representation
of the first Passover in Egypt. There were games like Plague Memory,
try your hand at the Hebrew Alphabet, make a passover lamb and
much, much more. We even had a Moses who hung out with the kids
and told the stories of being in captivity.

This was right before everyone came.

Not the greatest shot but I guess that's why you aren't supposed to take pictures during prayer time. :-) I wanted to show how lovely it was to have church family all surrounding a table celebrating Christ's redemption. It was fun! Now I am doing nothing for a day. My Knight demanded it of me. I arrived at church yesterday at 9am and did not leave until 9pm. It was a great but long day. Happy Passover everyone!!!

Laundry Badge of Shame:-(

Right now our bedroom is where clothes go to die! It has been converted into
a laundry graveyard. I am quite ashamed and so I post pictures to hopefully
propel me into action.

So sad I know. I hope there are not any Laundry Equal Rights activists out there. They could build a case here with neglect of clothing or laundry abuse. For the last two weeks I have not been able to catch up on laundry. I just keep cycling through basket after basket without making head way. Tonight my Knight has declared an all out frontal assault on laundry. We are even bringing in reinforcements, the kids, to attack this mess. The boys normally help with laundry but I still usually do the organizing of it so they can take care of their own laundry and I handle ours. However, things got sloppy and now the boys are sifting through piles of cloths and accidentally coming across my "things" just to find a pair of socks.

A morning doesn't go by that I don't hear a yell or scream from our bedroom as the boys are struck by the horror of it all, especially when they accidentally come in contact with my "things". By tomorrow I vow to clean up my act and laundry and recover my Laundry Badge of Honor.

We will wait and see......

Hello, My Name if Livin' and I am a Cake Batter-aholic

See now that I have no one at home to share my cake batter with I eat all. I used to share the batter between the three boys, even to the point of forgoing some of my own scoops because they gave me those cute looking, pitiful eyes. Now the only not-so-cute, pitiful eyes in my house are my own. I even did the horrible act of leaving extra batter in the bowl just so I can have more. I mean, come on I am not going to put the cupcake tray back in the over for just 3 more cupcakes. So I had to eat it.

My favorite ice cream is from Brusters called Cake Batter. Oh, I am so bad. I love cake batter more than cookie dough. I convince myself that I can eat the equivalent of a full cupcakes worth of batter and then opt out at dessert time for the cupcake. Then when dessert time comes I have to eat one so my family doesn't find out or get suspicious.

I need help! Anyone else out there eat cake batter or am I the only lonely poor pitiful soul out here that does.

I need more kids in my house. They keep me healthy and fit!

A Song for My Soul Cry

In the midst of discouragement I speak to my soul and say do not be down cast! David is a kindred spirit to me. Someone I relate to a lot in the Word of God. This has been a healing song for me today.

In Times of Much Discouragement

I would love to say that in every situation I have the faith to stand as the waves of life batter my small boat...but I don't. I am in a place right now of great discouragement. It mainly has to do with our housing situation and all of the surrounding circumstances would be a lot to go into detail but for now I just know that I don't have even the faith the size of a mustard seed. The smallest amount of faith I had has given way to disappointment and frustration .

I write this so others know that I am not all that and a bag of chips. I don't always have the answers or the strength. I get tired, weary and ready to give up at times.

I want so desperately for the Lord to come through. I want to see His glory reign in this area of my life however I am ye of little faith. I was prophesied over once to be a women of great faith and now that makes me snicker. I don't feel great and I don't feel like I have one shred of faith left in me. I see those who make their own way in life and get what they want. They get their blessing and receive all that they desire through their own means but I wait on the Lord for Him. I have heard their comments and know how they feel about us standing for a miracle and it wares me down.

Sometimes I get enough strength to want to show them they are wrong and bolster myself to pray and believe so that they can see that the Lord answers His faithful. But then I relent and back down. I have cried a lot today. I have poured out my heart and anger toward the Lord about our situation. I don't know what else to do. I am tired of waiting and I am tired of battling. So now I just become still and know He is God. There isn't anything else for me to do.

Just Something I Threw Together

Matzo Passover Pockets
****The Pictures are not the best. The lighting in my house
was very poor. The color is mauve/burgundy. Not purple!

Our Church has a School of Ministry and we are going to
celebrate passover in 2 weeks. My amazing com-padre Nomi
and I are in charge of decorating and setting this up.
So in Livin' style I volunteered to make these. 10 to be
exact. I hope they turn out to be a hit.

I could not find a pattern for these so I just winged it.
I lined the inside with a pretty white cotton cloth with silver flecks and
then used a silver thread to embellish the tops of the outside &
inside pockets.

We decided to go Wedding Theme decor since Passover will
be celebrated with Christ at the final Wedding Feast. So we will
be lining the tables with nice dinner ware, fancy napkins & floral
centerpieces from someone's wedding.
I will take some pictures of the final day when it comes. I am excited!

Update on Life Here

The house did not go through, we are not owners of a house yet. I will have to explain later. I have been puking my guts out since last night and things seem to have settled down. I'm really hungry but I know filling my belly full of food would not be the wisest thing.

We are all really tired of being sick (the boys had this already and it has moved on to Scott and I) and we are getting tired of waging warfare for the promises of God. Not that we are going to stop waring but you do get weary after a while.

So that's what is up here. Now to crawl back in bed for a few more hours until I have to pick up the boys.

Hershey In The Snow

Scott's brother and his family came down from up-state NY this weekend

to visit so we took a trip to Hershey Chocolate World

Our boys had to check their candy height for this coming summer.

Nothing is better than chocolate and fast cars.

Here's Scott and his brother Micheal with both our clans. Boys

are all the Walseman men produce. His other brother

has two sons also. 11 grandchildren in all with only 1 grand-daughter.

Of course the only two females of the bunch. We would rather

be taking the photo's as you can tell.

Cousin #1 Matthew.

Cousin #3 Lucus. Cuttie Pie!

Cousin #2 Eric loved to dodge the camera and run away so

we were looking for him most of the afternoon. One minute he

was there and then poof he was gone.

It was nice to visit and catch up. Hopefully they felt at peace

and had a relaxing weekend. Scott's brother and wife are dairy

farmers in up-state NY. Their lives are busy everyday without much

time off so these moments are well treasured.

Panic In The Ladies Bathroom

Last Saturday night I was at church for our evening service. After racing around Children's Ministry making sure my kiddos were where they needed to be I ran to use the Restroom. Service had begun and my husband was patiently waiting for me in the sanctuary hopefully engaging in worship.

I quickly used the restroom and was getting ready to grab some toilet paper when I realized the roll in the dispenser was low. There was no toilet paper hanging down out of the dispenser to grab so without any thought I put my hand up into the dispenser to grab the roll and pull it down. After fumbling with the roll as it whirled round and round on the bar I finally grabbed the tail end of the toilet paper.

I pulled my hand down, still grasping the toilet paper when all of a sudden my hand would not budge. That's right my hand was stuck. I laughed nervously to myself thinking "Oh just move your hand around and it will come out." No such luck. The more a fought with the dispenser the more my hand became wedged inside. Of course in those situations panic strikes and you starte freaking out and pull and twist and make it all worse. I stopped and thought what do I do? Do I yell for help..."Help, help my hand is stuck in the toilet paper dispenser!" But I couldn't. I looked up to realize the stall door was locked how would they get in. Where was my Knight in shinning armor to rescue me.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Then I slapped myself silly ( not literally just figuratively) and said "Girl, pull yourself together!" I looked back at the dispenser and slowly tried to bring my hand out. I realized then my problem...I never let go of the toilet paper. I had a fist full of toilet paper. As soon as I released the toilet paper from my grasp I was able to manipulate my hand out. OK can you say "Go crawl under a rock silly".

I returned to service with my husband hunting me down. He was worried about why I took so long. I sheepishly explained to him my ordeal hoping he would have pity on me but no he just rolled his eyes and said "Only you Livin' would get your hand stuck in the toilet paper dispenser, only you." With that he laughed heartily and we returned to service.

So there you have it, don't stick your hand up into a toilet paper dispenser. Now I know and knowing is half the battle. :-)

Recreating Hoth

These pics were from last week but I thought I would post them. I took the boys out during their snow days from school and we tried building Hoth. If you don't know what that is watch Empires Strikes Back. You'll figure it out. :-) They completed a 12-14 ft tunnel and a whole bunch of trenches around the house. Of course I was Princess Leah as usual but the boys didn't want to take actual character names. They just wanted to be Rebel fighters. It was a blast!

2010 Blizzard Pics